33 jaw-droppingly bad multiple-choice questions from Accelerated Christian Education | Leaving Fundamentalism

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This is what happens when you leave education to people for whom religious conversion is everything and learning is a distant afterthought.

 

“It’s the crapness!” yelled my mother, who almost never says anything more offensive than ‘oh blow’.

“It’s not the doctrine or the terrible science or the politics… it’s the… CRAPNESS!

In hindsight, leaving three boxes of Packets of Accelerated Christian Education (PACEs) at her house was perhaps not the kindest thing I could have done.

“It’s a bubble!” she continued, warming to her rant. “It’s stuck in a 1950s timewarp and it’s all so twee. Do you know what I read in a science PACE earlier? There was a lesson about the first heart transplant, and then it said have you had your heart transplanted by Jesus?

Seeing my mum rant about ACE might be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen; if I could capture her on a podcast I’d blast the Pod Delusion into next week. But she’s got a point. What is staggering about ACE  is not the creationism or the conservatism – everyone knows fundamentalists believe that. It’s the fact that it’s just so obviously rubbish, and yet, in the UK at least, school inspectors seem to let this pass without comment.

The most obvious way ACE is crap is in its multiple choice questions (of which there are thousands). Here, for your general amusement, are some I found yesterday. I make no claim that these are the best (or worst) of it. They’re just a few I dug up in a cursory jaunt through the PACEs I have. I could go on much, much longer.

Written By: Jonny Scaramanga
continue to source article at leavingfundamentalism.wordpress.com

24 COMMENTS

  1. Maybe we have a mischievious undercover atheist on whatever committee comes up with paradoxical names like “Accelerated Christian Education”, which is laughably neither “accelerated” nor even “education”. Ditto “Intelligent Design” and “Christian Science”. Juxtaposition has never seemed so funny. Or depressing.

  2. Maybe we have a mischievious undercover atheist on whatever committee comes up with paradoxical names like “Accelerated Christian Education”, which is laughably neither “accelerated” nor even “education”. Ditto “Intelligent Design” and “Christian Science”. Juxtaposition has never seemed so funny. Or depressing.

    • In reply to #3 by The Devout Atheist:

      Maybe we have a mischievious undercover atheist on whatever committee comes up with paradoxical names like “Accelerated Christian Education”, which is laughably neither “accelerated” nor even “education”.

      No, their irony detectors are just broken.

  3. Not only is all but one answer obviously wrong, but sometimes this has been done to force you to pick a doctrinal answer, e.g. wisdom being theistic. It reminds me of a sneaky lawyer in Family Guy:

    Lawyer: Mr Griffin, which of the following two phrases best describes Brian Griffin: Problem Drinker or African-American Haberdasher?

    Peter: Uh, do I-I guess problem drinker, but that’s uh-

    Lawyer: Thank-you. Now: Sexual deviant or magic picture that if you stare at it long enough, you see something?

    Peter: Well, sexual deviant, but that other one’s not even, eh-

    Lawyer: Thank-you

  4. And there’s silly old me thinking wisdom is a kind of tooth. I think even Amish children would find these questions insulting and dog knows they get taught three fifths of bugger all about anything other than reading, writing and the bible.

  5. Poor kids.It’s also scary to think of all these kids growing up and having “quivers full” of kids who will be “educated” in a similar way. Not acceptable. PACEs need to be thrown into an enormous,roaring, cleansing bonfire.

    Excuse me, while I hunt up some tranquillisers.

  6. @OP – Do you know what I read in a science PACE earlier? There was a lesson about the first heart transplant, and then it said have you had your heart transplanted by Jesus?“

    Have you had your brain transplanted by Accelerated Christian Edjucashun? (A nearby farmer is investigating the loss of a whole field of cabbages.)

  7. Test strategies for Christian education: When in doubt, always pick the answer containing the following words or phrases – “God says”, “Jesus”, “holy”, or “Bible” or “Satan” (If the question favors evolution, geological time-scales, or anything too science-y, always go with “Satan”).

    This is just beyond stupid in the 21st century. Pardon me whilst I pick up my mandible and mop up what’s left of my exploded brain.

  8. I see nothing wrong with this,in fact I find intensely encouraging.These kids will come out of their schools,buy bull colleges,Jerry Falwell universities etc., knowing as we would say in the U.K.three fifth of Fuck All.Let’s see what sort of work they are qualified to do!

  9. What’s the point in having an education system if you’re just going to teach crap? Michael Gove (the UK Minister for Education) needs to get a grip and put a stop to this nonsense that’s rotting our kids’ brains.

  10. Packets of Accelerated Christian Education

    “It’s stuck in a 1950s timewarp

    It sounds like a cloud of cosmic gas (or hot air) falling into a Black Hole” ! – Eventually to be compacted into irreducible ignorance!

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