‘The Unbelievers’ Caption Contest – Winners Announced!

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First Place and winner of Richard Dawkins’ Book: Mick Shinners-Murphy- “It's okay, you're safe here…now where did the Holy Spirit touch you??”

Second Place: Andrew Knight "So, tell me again about your invisible friend's Mother…"

Third Place: Macropus “….19, 20. You are now deeply asleep. When you wake up, you will ask every member of the audience in turn, why you are dressed in such a silly costume.”

What's your caption for Richard Dawkins? Submit a caption in the comments below and the best will win a copy of An Appetite for Wonder: The Making of a Scientist, by Richard Dawkins.

Contest Deadline: Ended

The cartoon promotes Richard's tour through the US and his new movie, The Unbelievers, with internationally known physicist Lawrence Krauss

April 2nd- San Diego, CA

April 3rd- Las Vegas, NV (hosted by magician Penn Jillette)

April 7th- Columbus, OH

See the trailer and buy tickets here.

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249 COMMENTS

  1. The monkey: “I’d like a banana”

    Krauss: “I can explain how this planet came to be.”

    Dawkins: “I am illustrating the evolution of the eye.”

    Father Pat: “Ok, i am laying down, somebody bring me a young boy.”

  2. My Twitter Caption for Pope on psychiatrist’s couch, with his pope trappings, confessing to Dawkins & Krauss: “Well of course I’ve always been an Atheist, but what else could I do with my fetish for pointy hats & ferulas?” (Monkey is jumping up & down with vindicated delight to hear the Pope’s an Atheist.)

    • *In reply to #24 by LALLORONA: I wish to edit my caption entry to Pope saying “I confess I’ve always been an Atheist, but what else could I do with my fetish for big pointy hats and ferulas? because it’s funnier if the Pope is also ‘confessing’ to Dawkins & Krauss.

  3. Dawkins: “Of course. It’s called the Clergy Project. Shall I put you in touch?”

    Francis: “Bless you, my son.”

    Krauss: “What “A” is thought to be the cradle of all Hom…?”

    Monkey: “Africa!”

  4. Time person of the year and now you’re on the list of world’s best thinkers whilst I’ve been dumped off it – Me thinks you’ve had some help from a higher power…………………………..oh sh………….

  5. A Deer in the Headlights-
    Richard’s thought balloon:
    “Wo Es war, sol Ich werden…Freud was right…wherever you go, there you are…he is only human…there is nothing he can say to mitigate the hypocracy and criminality of the church…he has to act now and give up the priest abuse files, full stop.”

    Cheers, Fred C

  6. … so you are telling us you are multiple people in one and that in a past life you the father, date raped your mother leading to your problems with pedophilia and the need to control world sex practices. Hmmm Mr Kraus this sounds distinctly like “The God Delusion”.

    • In reply to #68 by Macropus:

      ….19, 20. You are now deeply asleep. When you wake up, you will ask every member of the audience in turn, why you are dressed in such a silly costume.

      Ok, I just spit my cookie on my monitor…….I’m not cleaning it up, its your fault………

      • In reply to #70 by alf1200:

        In reply to #68 by Macropus:

        ….19, 20. You are now deeply asleep. When you wake up, you will ask every member of the audience in turn, why you are dressed in such a silly costume.

        Ok, I just spit my cookie on my monitor…….I’m not cleaning it up, its your fault………

        Sorry Alf – happy to clean it up. If you can just transfer enough funds for a fare from Western Australia, I’ll be right there…

  7. Yes, your Eminence, Dan and Linda wll be delighted to have you join The Clergy Project. As the first step in your deconversion, Professor Krauss has generously offered to hit you with plate tectonic theory…

    -or-

    I don’t know, Lawrence… hitting him with plate tectonics might start him praying again. I say we give him a banana and introduce him to cousin Bobo…

    • In reply to #73 by Inflaton:

      Yes, your Eminence, Dan and Linda wll be delighted to have you join The Clergy Project. As the first step in your deconversion, Professor Krauss has generously offered to hit you with plate tectonic theory…

      -or-

      I don’t know, Lawrence… hitting him with plate tectonics might start him praying…

      Lets just hit him with the plate.

  8. “Well Doctor, I keep having this nightmare where I’m on a couch onstage in front of all these people, and you’ve turned into Richard Dawkins, and Lawrence Krauss is there, and……………”

  9. “It’s not incurable…We can overcome your resistance to evolution. Alas, it may require years to come. And it may be the case that you’ll go to heaven with your superstition without having realized the real poetic magic this world has on offer”

  10. Now Your Eminence, how long have you had these bizarre ideas that we’re all descended from fish and monkeys? Was it when you started imagining you could see monkeys and evolutionists everywhere you go. We all have that sensation [Erm---Please just keep looking at the ceiling]

  11. When we finely see the end of religion we can fill our churches making them truthful and useful by exhibiting prehistoric animals like him (you know ,those with small brains that lived in another age).

  12. “And when I count to 10 you will wake up and believe there is a god and that you are pope.
    Even more amazingly, and inspite of a complete lack of evidence, some people will actually believe you!”

  13. Pope: My faith means I’m not insignificant.

    Dawkins: The leader of a billion Christians isn’t insignificant. It’s teaching children about a war between supernatural forces, with demons and Satan on one side, and God, Jesus and a Holy Spirit on the other, that destroys their faith in science.

    Pope: I love science, but faith is more important. Without faith, you’re dead. Or worse.

    Monkey: Which proves that evolution is a random process, doesn’t it?

    • No problem. We’ve removed 88 and 92 for you. The mods.

      In reply to #114 by Stafford Gordon:

      Note for moderators:

      I’ve tried to delete comments 88 and 92, but for some reason I can’t get rid of them.

      I only want to enter comment 112 please.

  14. A monkey, a physicists, an evolutionarily biologists, and the Pope walk into a bar. The bartender asked: “what can I get you boys?” The monkey said: “Ray Comfort”; the physicists said: “nothing in a tall glass with ice”; the evolutionarily biologist said: “the magic of reality”; and the Pope said: “separate checks.”

  15. Pope: “Well, It all started at an early age when I thought I had as much chance coming from monkeys as a monkey would magically spring out of a chair”.
    Then last week I was told that was about as probable as a monkey falling out of my butt.
    I’m afraid to go to the bathroom now.

  16. [ A last one ] : . . . “Well Lawrence… Here is the final score of this lively debate :

    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Right, we have our monkee spring from his hole in seat,

    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Left, we have our Frankie flung on his Holy See…”

  17. Krauss: “The End is Nigh (well, 7 billion years hence, give or take)!”

    Dawkins: Well, don’t just do somethig, lie there!”

    Francis:……………….^……………

    Monkey: Ugu ugu ugu!

  18. I think a “do over” on heliocentrism is a wonderful idea, your Eminence. Lawrence is already doing his best Atlas imitation, so why don’t you walk over and orbit him erroneously as the “heavenly body.” Do be careful, though… Galileo tends to bite when he’s excited.

  19. So you want to start believing in Science?

    Sing with us:

    “Science is so true……
    Gravity we praise…..
    Physics for me and you…..
    In every single place……

    Chemistry works fine…..
    and Biology too…..
    They work so well…..
    Ofcourse Science is true.

  20. Pope:- “The infallible voice in my head is my 3 in 1 God telling me how Catholic Christian humans on Earth, are the central most important feature of His Universe.”

    Monkey:- “Ha! ha! ha! – That’s the best one I’ve heard yet!”

  21. Audience guy on the left:

    99 priests walk into a bar and the bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.” And the 99 priests say, “Why not?” And the bartender replies, “Because your kind always bring up the holy spirit.”

  22. In reply to #80 by Macropus:

    >
    In reply to #68 by Macropus:

    ….19, 20. You are now deeply asleep. When you wake up, you will ask every member of the audience in turn, why you are dressed in such a silly costume.

    Ok, I just spit my cookie on my monitor…….I’m not cleaning it up, its your fault………

    Sorry Alf – happy to clean it up. If you can just transfer enough funds for a fare from Western Australia, I’ll be right there…
    Ya know Marco, After looking at it closer I noticed it looks like Jesus Christ. I think I’ll sell it on Ebay.

  23. Lawrence in conversion with Richard. ” How are you going to convince FatherTed that he’s not infallible …. I think you’ve got a better chance convincing Manchester United fans that David Moyes is the chosen one”.

  24. 3 apes and a monkey walk onto a stage… monkey says “how come you guys get credited with the higher intellect? I’ve never had an imaginary friend?”

    Ape with the pointy hat responds..
    “God is not imaginary, he surrounds and lives within us, he guides us in every….” but the monkey cuts him off “I’m not talking to you, yours isn’t an imaginary friend but a psychological issue resulting from years of indoctrination and mental cruelty reaching the point were a large percentage of the population of the planet now think you are damaged beyond repair, I’m addressing the guy who is talking to the inflatable globe”

  25. I’ve read the many clever submissions here to “The Unbelievers” caption contest But other entries make it apparent that others don’t understand cartoon captioning.

    Perhaps it would help if one rule of effective cartoon captioning was explained to those who wish to enter this, or future caption contents.

    While it probably raises the bar unecessarily high for the purpose of this RDFRS contest, the New York Times explains in their article, “How To Win the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest”, (http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/culturebox/2008/06/how_to_win_the_new_yorker_cartoon_caption_contest.html) that one must aim for what is called a “theory of mind” caption, which requires the reader to project intents or beliefs into the minds of the cartoon’s characters.

    “An exemplary New Yorker Times theory of mind caption (accompanying a cartoon of a police officer ticketing a caveman with a large wheel): “Yeah, yeah—and I invented the ticket.” The humor here requires inference about the caveman’s beliefs and intentions as he (presumably) explains to the cop that he invented the wheel.”

    In other words, an ineffective caption is one that lacks inference, and instead includes wordiness in the caption to explain the message or intent of the cartoon.

  26. The globe juggling is fine Laurence. The jack-in-the-box monkey is great, – but the the clockwork wind-up preacher has fallen over since his key fell out on to the floor! Another miraculous exorcism??

  27. Pope: It’s simple – the father impregnated the mother who had a son who turned out to be the father so the mother’s son had impregnated his own mother and had a child who was his own father and a father who was his own son and they are all the Holy Spirit as well- Clear!!
    RD to LK and Monkey: What do you think?
    LK: Classic symptoms of schizophrenia , Multiple personality disorder and unresolved Oedipal complex.
    Monkey: What do I know , I’m just a rebellious Israelite.

  28. RD: So let’s get this straight. The father impregnated the mother so a child could be born who was his own father in order that he could save the world from the evil hoards who want to create Armageddon and destroy the Earth and Mankind.
    Pope: Correct!
    LK: Sounds suspiciously like the plot to ‘Terminator’ to me.
    Monkey: Does anyone have a banana?

  29. RD: Do you truly believe the monkey is floating above the chair?
    Pope: ONLY if he was born of a virgin.
    LK: As the song goes, it appears, I indeed have the whole world in my hand. Do you believe I may be God?
    Pope: No of course not, not to mention your fingers appear to be providing protection for parts of Africa, and we know using protection is a sin!
    Nameless Spectator: Well at least the Vatican is considering logic.

  30. “Actually, Richard, it would be quite expensive for my business to openly admit that I do believe in natural selection” says the Pope. Dawkins retorts, “Hey, there you go again, Don’t ‘believe’ man, do study critically”

  31. The monkey doing what it does best.
    Darwin finally understanding why and how.
    Dawkins explaning it so that everybody (evolved beond the ape) understands.
    Religious rulers with there greedy ways and the lust for power are finally losing the “battle”.
    Audience getting smarter.

    (Excuse me if my English isn´t perfect, but I hope you understand anyway) :)

  32. RD: OK Pope, I get it….you are used to hearing the confessions of others and absolving them but you don’t have anyone other than God to confess to….and God never answers or absolves you….and you are concerned that your sins are accumulating to the point where Hell seems a distinct possibility….?? That’s pretty fundamental hey Lawrence..looks to me like he started with a big bang and will end in a black hole?. Can’t fault that?? Monkey is pleased cuz he doesn’t understand what confession is about!

  33. The monkey “Uhh Uhh Ohh”
    Darwin “Ah-ha! I know how it all works”
    Dawkins “I will explain it for you”
    The Bishop “Ohh no! My lies doesn´t work any more”
    The Audience “Ha ha ha”

  34. In reply to #233 by Bob Springsteen:

    The Pope hits back!! “The God Delusion? That’s a bit rich coming from a man who defines a world tour as playing just three venues.”

    I defy you to show me where exactly they are calling it a WORLD tour.
    Looks like just another pathetic straw man from the theists.

  35. A meta comment from a pedantic atheist lecturer in Visual Arts: Great idea but the cartoon is irritatingly incoherent. It is trying to put way too may elements together to encourage divergent responses.

    1&2. The winning entry and the runner up succeed only by ignoring most of the elements in the cartoon. It only requires Dawkins and the prostrate Bishop ( psychiatrist’s office). But it doesn’t make sense to have this scenario on stage..or with a monkey!

    3.. The third runner up succeeds in doing nothing particularly funny or witty or anything at all but at least makes sense of more elements: the audience, stage, couch, Dawkins, this time as hypnotist, and presumably Krauss assisting the hypnosis by spinning the globe, are now necessary or at least plausible. Well done you! But what about the monkey?

    Get the cartoon right and you will get good responses. Don’t worry about limiting responses by narrowing down: you could edit out everything in this except Dawkins and the be-couched pope/priest/bishop and you would still have an infinite numbers of possible captions; only they would have some chance of making sense!

    And the Monkey said EEE! EEE! EEE!

  36. Watch out! Don’t let the monkey remove the hat and mention anything “bald”, or else Francis could call his lord to send two she bears to tear you three and the audiences into pieces.

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