Church Full of Oil Salesmen Claims to Cure Everything from Heart Defects to Mental Illness

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The Universal Church of the Kingdom of God in Auckland, New Zealand has found the cure for damn near everything: “tumours, mental illness, stomach and bladder problems, marriage difficulties, strokes and heart defects.”

Their cure: Olive oil.

Don’t believe it, you say? Well, the oil was “blessed” in Israel… and it’s magical now. So there!

When pushed by the Herald for evidence, Bishop Victor Silva said the oil could not cure illness. Using it was an act of faith, he said, and faith could help in the restorative process.

However, the eight-page newsletter distributed in the mail drop claimed the oil had helped to fix people in situations where doctors had been unsuccessful.

“The Holy Oil was chosen by God as an instrument of faith to heal the sick,” the newsletter said.

Last night, at a heavily-promoted mass faith-healing event, we saw clear evidence of the snake olive oil working:

Minutes after Bishop Victor Silva called on Jesus to cast out “the spirit of sickness” causing pain to the lives of the hundreds of people packed into the “holy oil” service in Auckland yesterday, a young man was helped on to the stage claiming his sight had been improved.

Written By: Hemant Mehta
continue to source article at patheos.com

18 COMMENTS

    • In reply to #7 by Bob Springsteen:

      The Brazilian founder of the church is now a billionaire: Another deluded rich Christian who expects many a camel to pass easily through the eye of a needle.

      A liberal application of olive oil might help there.

  1. In other news several queues of snakes have been reported, waiting to recharge their necessary oils, at several Auckland filling stations.

    Ray Comfort was not available to comment.His spokesman told us that as he was living a fantasy, and living in Southern California, he might as well go to Disneyland for the day. The spokesman said that : “Mr. Comfort prefers the company of Mickey Mouse, to many of the humans surrounding him.”

  2. The Ancient Greeks believed that olives were a gift from the goddess Athena. Would it be too much to hope that Bishop Silva has done a controlled clinical trial to make sure that Athena’s own olive oil wasn’t responsible for the “cures”?

  3. a young man was helped on to the stage claiming his sight had been improved.

    Yeh! He was blind and needed help to find the way on to the stage!

    Gaby Dean, 27, who said he had been blind since birth, told the crowded Vodafone Events Centre he could now distinguish the lights on the ceiling.

    So he could see blurred images of very bright lights – just like many other “blind” people – but don’t worry — sheeples don’t ask critical questions! (Cue sheeple applause for “miracle”!)

  4. When pushed by the Herald for evidence, Bishop Victor Silva said the oil could not cure illness. Using it was an act of faith, he said, and faith could help in the restorative process.

    One has to admire the episcopal footwork there, making sure that his response to the Herald‘s enquiry contained nothing that could be empirically tested.

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