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An Atheist Goes Undercover to Join the Flock of Mad Pastor John Hagee

by Matt Taibbi, AlterNet

Reposted from:
http://www.alternet.org/rights/84043

In this excerpt from his new book, Matt Taibbi shares his experiences at a Hagee's boot camp for new converts.

The following is an excerpt from Matt Taibbi's new book, The Great Derangement (Spiegel and Grau, 2008). Update: Matt Taibbi has responded to readers concerns about a passage in this excerpt. Response pasted at the bottom.

I pulled into the church parking lot a little after 6:00 p.m., at more or less the last possible minute. The previous half hour or so I'd spent dawdling in my car outside a Goodwill department store off Route 410 in San Antonio, clinging to some inane sports talk show piping over my car radio -- anything to hold off my plunge into Religion.

There was an old-fashioned white school bus in front of the church entrance, with a puddle of heavyset people milling around its swinging door. Some of these were carrying blankets and sleeping bags. My heart, already pounding, skipped a few extra beats. The church circulars had said nothing about bringing bedding. Why did I need bedding? What else had I missed?

"Excuse me," I said, walking up to an in-charge-looking man with a name tag who was standing near the front of the bus. "I see everyone has blankets. I didn't bring any. Is this going to be a problem?"

The man was about five feet one and had glassy eyes. He looked up at me and smiled queerly.

"Name?" he said.

"Collins," I said. "Matthew Collins."

He scanned his clipboard, found my name on the appropriate sheet of paper, and X-ed me out with a highlighter. "Don't worry, Matthew," he said, resting his hand on my shoulder. "A wonderful woman named Martha is going to take care of you at the ranch. You just tell her what you need when you get there."

I nodded, glancing at his hand, which was still on my shoulder. He waved me into the bus.

I had been attending the Cornerstone Church for weeks, but this was really my first day of school. I had joined Cornerstone -- a megachurch in the Texas Hill Country -- to get a look inside the evangelical mind-set that gave the country eight years of George W. Bush. The church's pastor, John Hagee, is one of the most influential evangelical preachers in the country -- not because his ministry is so very large (although he claims up to 4.5 million viewers a week for his Sunday sermons) but because of his near-absolute conquest of a very trendy niche in the market: Christian Zionism.

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Posted: Wednesday, May 7, 2008 | Permalink

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1. Comment #176500 by ksskidude on May 7, 2008 at 1:49 pm

This should be great! I hope Matt doesn't convert! Hahaha NOT!!

Really though, this could be rather interesting.

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2. Comment #176502 by ~manic-depressive on May 7, 2008 at 1:59 pm

That's it; I've decided to lay claim to first post (or in this case second) whenever I can because the chances are that this is the only happiness I'll get from reading about more religious idiocy perpetuating human suffering.

"This little bit of semantic gymnastics helped transform all of us at the retreat from being merely fucked up to being accursed carriers of demons." Ah, yes, that great science of demonology again. More priestcraft yet again.

Other Comments by ~manic-depressive

3. Comment #176513 by nlewkowitz on May 7, 2008 at 2:15 pm

This looks like a fun read!

CL
http://www.coulterlewkowitz.com/

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4. Comment #176518 by Demotruk on May 7, 2008 at 2:28 pm

I'm some way through it now. Scary read, although nothing particularly surprising yet.

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5. Comment #176520 by Cartomancer on May 7, 2008 at 2:34 pm

Ugh! I had little idea such vile things went on in this world. These people sound utterly revolting - foul, swaggering, macho-posturing, militaristic, homophobic, anti-intellectual, anti-rational, hyper-conservative, nauseatingly arrogant demagogues who prey on the vulnerable and the confused. Everything I most despise about america rolled into one sickeningly awful package. I think I need more than a couple of those anti-daemon sick bags myself after reading that.

People often say that Richard is going too far in comparing religious behaviour with psychological delusions, but from this account I think that his comparison hardly does it justice.

Surely there must be some way these people can be closed down for hate speech against homosexuals or scientists, or libel against JK Rowling, or taking advantage of the vulnerable or something? The more I hear about these horrible cult brainwashing events the more I am convinced that they must be expunged from civilised society once and for all, and sooner rather than later.

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6. Comment #176527 by Alkal on May 7, 2008 at 2:42 pm

Its an amazing read

he is so absolutely right about how it is with the compliance of everyone in it that this kind of nonsense is what goes on.

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7. Comment #176535 by Szymanowski on May 7, 2008 at 2:48 pm

I do recommend reading the whole article, though it requires a strong stomach.

Cartomancer: unfortunately it's one of the sacrifices of being in a civilized, liberal society that these things have to be allowed. The only premise I can think of for legal action would be "practising medicine without a licence" or something along those lines, but it's really not likely that they can be "expunged" unless a crime has actually been committed. Although... it seems like a situation ripe for a Lisa McPherson-like tragedy. :(

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8. Comment #176537 by Frankus1122 on May 7, 2008 at 2:48 pm

I am okay with casting out the demons of astrology and handwriting analysis, but this:

"In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord, I cast out the demon of the intellect!"

He seems to have been successful.

Perhaps I was wrong about the casting out of demons.

"In the name of Jesus, I cast out the demon of anal fissures!"

Oh, yes please.

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9. Comment #176539 by ~manic-depressive on May 7, 2008 at 2:49 pm

I had little idea such vile things went on in this world.

Really, Cartomancer?

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10. Comment #176540 by Dane on May 7, 2008 at 2:53 pm

"Hello," I said, taking a deep breath. "My name is Matt. My father was an alcoholic circus clown who used to beat me with his oversize shoes."

The group twittered noticeably. Morgan's eyes opened to tea-saucer size.

I closed my own eyes and kept going, immediately realizing what a mistake I'd made. There was no way this story was going to fly. But there was no turning back.

"He'd be sitting there in his costume, sucking down a beer and watching television," I heard myself saying. "And then sometimes, even if I just walked in front of the TV, he'd pull off one of those big shoes and just, you know -- whap!"

I looked around the table and saw three flatlined, plainly indifferent psyches plus one mildly unnerved Morgan staring back at me. I could tell that my coach and former soldier had been briefly possessed by the fear that a terrible joke was being played on his group. But then I actually saw him dismissing the thought -- after all, who would do such a thing? I managed to tie up my confession with a tale about turning into a drug addict in my mid-twenties -- at least that much was true -- and being startled into sobriety and religion after learning of my estranged clown father's passing from cirrhosis.

It was a testament to how dysfunctional the group was that my story flew more or less without comment.

wow... this book might be interesting...

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11. Comment #176541 by Bonzai on May 7, 2008 at 2:54 pm

I thought this is about Richard Morgan's latest conversion. I was wrong.

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12. Comment #176544 by Cartomancer on May 7, 2008 at 2:57 pm

Really, Cartomancer?

Indeed so. I've encountered the idea of cultic brainwashing in fiction before, but I always assumed that it was all highly exaggerated and hardly ever happened in the real world (generally the sinister cults in the sort of books I read use diabolic magicks to control their victims - I tend to write off cults as a fantasy phenomenon, like griffons and dragons and the living dead). I still find it very difficult to believe that there are a significant number of people who really behave like that - how can they just suspend their critical faculties without a moment's pause? Why do they buy in to such obvious nonsense? The phenomenon is one I struggle very hard to understand.

But it's the manipulators who I find hardest to understand. Can they really be so unscrupulous and unprincipled? Do they seriously believe their own nonsense? Seriously? Surely it's just cynical advantage-taking? But can human beings really be that cynical?

I guess I've never actually been to a religious service of any kind before, so I haven't really got a point of reference for comparison. People tell me that sporting events and musical concerts are similar, but I've never been to one of those either. The closest I've come to experiencing that sort of focussed communal event is probably attending theatrical performances - but this weird feeling of uncritical assent to dangerous nonsense he describes in the article was entirely absent.

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13. Comment #176551 by mordacious1 on May 7, 2008 at 3:09 pm

Oh crap! There is one part where the "coach" says that when jesus returns he's going to personally seek out the ACLU. And me with one of their membership cards in my wallet.

You'd think he'd have better things to do like maybe punishing the witch who stole Ben Stein's penis.

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14. Comment #176556 by GoodbyeGodNZ on May 7, 2008 at 3:17 pm

A great and hilarious read.
I'll buy the book Matt!

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15. Comment #176562 by Corylus on May 7, 2008 at 3:27 pm

I feared for my normal.

Sign of sanity that.

Mr Taibbi, if you are reading this, remember to take some time out for yourself after this experience.

Your normal life can feel both real (in that it is familiar) and also unreal in that you know that there is a harsher reality elsewhere.

P.S. Loved the clown story :)

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16. Comment #176565 by Podaar on May 7, 2008 at 3:28 pm

12. Comment #176544 by Cartomancer

But it's the manipulators who I find hardest to understand. Can they really be so unscrupulous and unprincipled? Do they seriously believe their own nonsense?

I've wondered how Joseph Ratzinger felt and thought after becoming Pope and discovered there is no hot-line phone to a god. Did he have a mother Teresa moment? Did he just shrug and think, "Oh well, I've got to go along with it anyway. I'd look too stupid to go back now."

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17. Comment #176567 by MPhil on May 7, 2008 at 3:30 pm

Podaar,

Ratzinger is an intellectual - he has refined the definitions and proposed mechanisms of his beliefs so far that they are perfectly compatible with just having a fuzzy feeling. I think he has thought at latest since studying theology (at the university I am enrolled in). For him, it's the Holy Spirit guiding him - he doesn't need to "hear voices" - he has to "feel the presence and guidance of holy spirit".

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18. Comment #176569 by Podaar on May 7, 2008 at 3:34 pm

MPhil,

Cool.

Ok take my comment about Joseph Ratzinger and replace the name with Thomas S. Monson.

I wonder about that too. :)

[edit] You'd need to replace the word Pope with Prophet too.

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19. Comment #176570 by Partisan on May 7, 2008 at 3:35 pm

Ha, this was good fun - it's a shame all the let-down, repressed and shy people on that trip feel the need to jabber in tongues and surrender their will to a man who clearly finds them an expendable source of capital. Societal casualties, I suppose...it's a real shame.

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20. Comment #176577 by Vendetta on May 7, 2008 at 4:02 pm

Wow. That was some read. I really like Matt's writing. I've never read anything of his before, I've only seen him do the political reporting on Real Time w/Bill Maher.

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21. Comment #176587 by JamesDB on May 7, 2008 at 4:39 pm

I love when christians talk about how god controls the weather. If god controls the weather then how do they figure the weather channel works. Are the meteorologists linked to god via the super weather telephone line. The ignorance goes on and on.

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22. Comment #176588 by Jack Rawlinson on May 7, 2008 at 4:48 pm

I read this article a couple of weeks back when it first came out. Brilliant. I always loved Matt Taibbi's stuff when he wrote for the New York Press and he's been one of my favourite journalists ever since.

This one is scary and hilarious. I defy anyone to keep a straight face when Taibbi describes his "wound".

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23. Comment #176589 by Border Collie on May 7, 2008 at 5:11 pm

Hey, just like church camp when I was a kid ... down on the Brazos ... near Glen Rose ... where post-Cambrian cave people walked with the dinos ... he haw! They probably had scrambled dino eggs and grits for breakfast.
And good grief, THANK YOU to the racially sanctimonious who took note, generally out of context, that the author mentioned "weather beaten black people". I mean, we could all tell that he was a regular KKK member. Maybe he'll mention "weather beaten white people" next time. Then what? Isn't this a website a place for free speech.

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24. Comment #176592 by mordacious1 on May 7, 2008 at 5:17 pm

I'm wondering what they do with the homeless that they've recruited once they're in the "flock". Do they provide them food and shelter, or release them back to the streets? I'm sure some of these people would cut off their left (fill in the blank) for their basic needs. After a couple of weeks of this nonsense I'd have to go postal myself, though.

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25. Comment #176593 by mordacious1 on May 7, 2008 at 5:22 pm

This is off topic, but I just read that scientists have completed the first decoding of the platypus genome. Does anyone have any links where I can get some good info on this?

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26. Comment #176594 by ACJames on May 7, 2008 at 5:28 pm

Its clear, from my past experience and Matt's investigation, the billions of empty indoctrinated people, and the 100's of millions of dead around the world, that Religion is the principle tool of injustice and misery to our species.

I feel sorry for people who still feel a need to believe any religion.

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27. Comment #176595 by mordacious1 on May 7, 2008 at 5:31 pm

GOD is at it again. CNN is reporting over 100,000 dead in Myanmar. They must have a lot of lesbians, atheists, liberals, etc. there who have been asking for it for awhile.

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28. Comment #176598 by zosky on May 7, 2008 at 5:51 pm

the story reminds me of when i was a teenager and attended regular "fellowship" with my mom, sister and nanny at the catholic charistmatic renewal movement (i bet no one's heard of that group before). It scared the **** out of me. The speaking in tongues, casting out demons, people wriggling and writhing front left and center. It was the stuff my teenage years nightmares were made of. As hard as i tried, i never could speak in tongues or be "moved by the spirit". Neither could my sister and mom. But our nanny was a pro, if i say so myself

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29. Comment #176611 by Vandemeer on May 7, 2008 at 7:09 pm

funny but sad.

mordacious1 here's a link

http://www.nature.com/news/2008/080507/full/453138a.html

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30. Comment #176616 by SomeDanGuy on May 7, 2008 at 7:17 pm

Now imagine you're in seventh grade and your youth group talks of an awesome "white water rafting trip" with go-karts and minigolf. ....except it turns out that's only day 1 of 4 days. Guess what the other 3 are? :-/

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31. Comment #176622 by croatcat on May 7, 2008 at 7:46 pm

zosky

catholic charistmatic renewal movement

Been there. High school seminary. I just let out whatever nonsensical noise I could think of at the time. No one noticed one way or another. Reciting russian must have been hilarious.

Another great tool is physical and emotional exhaustion, as was applied in Matts weekend. The mind is made much more pliable. Had some experience with this for 17-20 year olds. The plus side was being in contact with women, as the seminary was a little lacking-at least in the anatomically correct category.

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32. Comment #176625 by mordacious1 on May 7, 2008 at 7:49 pm

VANDEMEER: thanks for the link, that one didn't show up on my web search, so it was very useful. It's just so cool that this project is finding the missing evolutionary links between lizards, birds, and placental mammals. The Duckbill's Tale was my favorite part of "Ancestor's Tale". How christians can't "believe" in evolution is beyond me. thanks again.

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33. Comment #176628 by Wosret on May 7, 2008 at 7:56 pm

I guess I've never actually been to a religious service of any kind before, so I haven't really got a point of reference for comparison. People tell me that sporting events and musical concerts are similar, but I've never been to one of those either. The closest I've come to experiencing that sort of focussed communal event is probably attending theatrical performances

I have't either. I used to be dragged along to church when I was like 12 and under, but they were boring events that rarely even had a minister, they would listen to tapes. I would sleep or something.

I've never been to a concert or a sporting event either, not my thing. I prefer persuing far nerdier activities.

I'm also blown away at how people can surrender to such obvious nonsense so easily. Though I know such people exist, I'm surrounded by them. I often wonder how it is possible that I turned out with the views and opinions that I did. I have known no one personally, throughout my entire life who shared anything near my views on the world.

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34. Comment #176630 by steveroot on May 7, 2008 at 8:05 pm

Again no reaction from the group, aside from an affirming nod from Jos at the last part -- his eyes said to me, I know what you mean about those fins.

Sweet lord: I nearly died laughing!
Ste5e

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35. Comment #176632 by MPhil on May 7, 2008 at 8:08 pm

No concerts? I couldn't live my life without that... music is so essential to me. Whether classical, jazz, metal or even progressive rock/metal (some of the most complex music around today, with many of best instrumentalists)...

A classical concert is of course something different than a rock concert - but I think a huge rock/metal concert is something one should have seen. If the band is great that's wonderful, but even if one is merely indifferent to the music, a huge rock-concert is quite an event, quite the best and most harmless way to observe the sociological, phsychological aspects of mass events with a lot of emotional investigation.

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36. Comment #176635 by MPhil on May 7, 2008 at 8:10 pm

That is not to say that I use every opportunity to go to a concert - for me it's about seeing masterful instrumentalists playing wonderful music in an atmosphere of appreciation and excitement etc... quite wonderful, actually.

I even got the opportunity to talk to and get autographs from 6 musicians I consider to be among the best in writing complex, beautiful music and instrumental virtuosity: All Members of Dream Theater and Steve Vai...

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37. Comment #176636 by troyreynolds86 on May 7, 2008 at 8:11 pm

I'm with Cartomancer on this one.

I knew these people were the epitome of stone cold fucknuts crazy. I knew they let themselves go into some pretty bizarre places mentally. But they have just redefined fucknuts crazy for me, who as a perpetual cynic such enlightenments are not easy accomplishments. Wow, how willing and eager is this species is to defile our greatest asset, intellect, all simply to whitewash over reality in exchange for the pseudo-pharmaceutical of reassurance and the paper shield of imagined love and protection. The opiate of the masses may be a misquote taken slightly out of context, but every day I live and see another report of this sort is another day closer to being convinced that the misquote is closer to the truth than the passages it was taken from. Again, and for the lack of a word to better describe this, wow.

Troy

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38. Comment #176651 by Quine on May 7, 2008 at 8:37 pm

"Neurons that fire together wire together" Repetition of ritual rewires brains through neuroplasticity. This is, and has been, a main tool of cults (religions) throughout history.

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39. Comment #176654 by MPhil on May 7, 2008 at 8:45 pm

Indeed Quine. That's what's at the basis of all learning, of acquisition of faculties, and it is also at the basis of conditioning in the way that cults do it... all learning is in some way such conditioning, such restructuring of the neural network.

What should be noted though is that it isn't only the creation or dying off of synapses, the most part of that happens in the first few months after birth. A lot more synapses are created than are needed, and those that don't receive enough synaptic bias and enough input die off. So what it's mainly about is the adjustment of synaptic bias (or the neurophysiological implementation of that, since it is a term of neural network theory).

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40. Comment #176674 by Wosret on May 7, 2008 at 9:10 pm

I'm just not a music fan, I listen to music as background noise sometimes, but my ipod is full of things like lectures Japanese instructional mp3s and a couple cds for when I'm too tired to pay attention to the other two.

I'm also not a fan of big crouds, though I don't really avoid them, there are events that I would go to that are crouded.

As for your other reasons MPhil, while philosophical and scientific laymen like me like to stay in our armchairs. I'll let the real philosophers and scientists do the work and then I'll read about it later.

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41. Comment #176684 by MPhil on May 7, 2008 at 9:22 pm

Interestingly, in the vast majority of cases, I don't like big crouds either... but for me, it depends on the atmosphere, the people, the event... I deplore beer tents, I don't like country fairs - but lectures in a big auditorium, a congress of scientists (or philosophers) - or a concert of music that I really like.... in such cases I like it.

Anyway, wow - I couldn't even imagine not finding music fascinating, entrancing, stimulating intellectually as well as aesthetically...
I'm not making a moral judgment here, as long as those who aren't particularly interested in music realize that it is an essential and valuable part of culture, art etc... I don't see anything wrong with that.
I simply cannot comprehend not being a music fan/interested in music/etc...

But then, as my parents tell me, I've been a music fan ever since I was a year old... as soon as I could talk, I began "singing" to the radio when we were driving somewhere, or to LPs/CDs at home etc.

:)

Still, for anyone wanting to understand the power of mass-gatherings, actually attending a rock-concert of music that one likes at least in some way is probably the only feasible way of really getting to know that. (or at least the most benign, - I don't recommend things like the Nuremberg Nazi party gatherings :)

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42. Comment #176687 by barry21 on May 7, 2008 at 9:26 pm

Holy shit.

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43. Comment #176688 by Crazy_Steve on May 7, 2008 at 9:30 pm

This may be the scariest thing I have read in a long time.

As to why people do this: because they really want someone else to be responsible for their problems and tell them what to do. It's hard making your own decisions and taking the consequences.

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44. Comment #176692 by thewhitepearl on May 7, 2008 at 9:47 pm

I just got to the part where he is explaining his "wound story"

an alcoholic clown that would beat him with his oversized shoes???

my stomache aches fom the convulsions of laughter that story initiated.

wow

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45. Comment #176702 by Spinoza on May 7, 2008 at 10:05 pm

I've tagged along to pentecostal youth services before... that shit SCARES me.

It's basically a room full of ex-cons and addicts, listening to one or more con-artists tell them what a piece of shit they are without the grace of their omnipotent sky-daddy... The Pentecostals love to bust out their acoustic guitar and get everyone to sing terrible, catchy songs (not unlike the "Leader" song from that episode of The Simpsons where they join the cult)... people start closing their eyes, raising their hands in the air, crying, etc etc.

I stood there, wide-eyed, basically thinking "What. The. Fuck.?!"

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46. Comment #176710 by Wosret on May 7, 2008 at 10:19 pm

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na leader -- leader. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na leader -- leader.

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47. Comment #176723 by Spinoza on May 7, 2008 at 10:45 pm

I guess I should clarify... I'd say the musical side of "evangelical" or "new life" churches is a really potent cocktail of the "Leader" song, and the god-awful (literally) band Creed.

Also, I only "tagged along" because I had an acquaintance who was a member, and they have these recruitment drives where existing members are encouraged to invite their friends (while reminding their friends that they're not required to join, free to leave, etc etc, and of course, they hand out free "reading" material... EXACTLY like in that Simpsons episode...)

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48. Comment #176724 by dlitt on May 7, 2008 at 10:47 pm

"Don't worry, Matthew," he said, resting his hand on my shoulder. "A wonderful woman named Martha is going to take care of you at the ranch. You just tell her what you need when you get there."

Sounds like an introduction at the Mustang Ranch.

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49. Comment #176727 by Andrew Stich on May 7, 2008 at 10:53 pm

"Still, for anyone wanting to understand the power of mass-gatherings, actually attending a rock-concert of music that one likes at least in some way is probably the only feasible way of really getting to know that."

Mass consensus can be a great enemy to reason, since it plays to the general human intuition that the majority is almost always correct, regardless of precisely what it is that the majority is saying or doing. Add faith (faith in God, or just as much, faith in the band) and a very spirited environment to the equation, and the perfect antithesis to rationality has been conceived of.

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50. Comment #176741 by MPhil on May 7, 2008 at 11:35 pm

Mass consensus can be a great enemy to reason, since it plays to the general human intuition that the majority is almost always correct, regardless of precisely what it is that the majority is saying or doing

Can, mustn't... when the nature of the event has nothing to do whatever with propositions, with positions, then it is no enemy to reason at all - like a (non-political) rock-concert. Also don't forget that art can also express reason, can promote rationality.

"Faith in God" and "Faith in the Band" - the latter makes no sense. Religion, or political mass-consensus, or moral mass-consensus is about propositions. An event where many people feel good about hearing for example one of the Brandenburg Concertos by Bach... hardly! It's not about propositions!

Also, is mass-consensus that committing acts of deliberate cruelty is wrong dangerous, and enemy to reason? Definitely wrong. It's not consensus, or mass-consensus that is dangerous - it's consensus about propositions without proper justification.

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