Tuesday, June 17, 2008 | Reason : Wingnut News | print version

Rapture site sends unbelievers their last chance ... via email

by Guardian

Thanks to Earth Voyager for the link.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2008/jun/16/news.religion

Rapture site sends unbelievers their last chance ... via email

For most people, messages from heaven are usually accompanied by choirs of angels, spectacular miracles or at least the odd burning bush. But one website says it will offer devout Christians a more prosaic mode of communication from the beyond - by letting them email unbelievers when the second coming takes place.

YouveBeenLeftBehind.com promises subscribers "one last opportunity to reach your lost family and friends for Christ" by automatically sending them a series of emails and documents if the rapture should occur.

For an annual fee of $40 (£20), customers are offered the chance to send these messages to their loved ones to convince them to believe in God.

The site suggests preparing messages which could prove useful to those who remain on earth, which are then fired off if the second coming of Jesus happens.

According to the website, such a biblical event would mean that "there will be a small window of time where they [non-believers] might be reached for the kingdom of God".

The website, which is based in Massachusetts, is run by a small team of Christians who must log on every day to indicate that the rapture has not yet taken place. If enough of them fail to log in, however, the system assumes that the second coming is nigh and sends out messages from all its subscribers.

"The people on my team are Christians who expect to be raptured," Mark Heard, the site's creator, told the Guardian. "They must continually log in to the system. The team is spread out as far apart in the US as is possible to prevent against more than one member being taken out by, attack, natural disaster, or epidemic."

Heard told the Guardian the subscription fee was only intended to cover his initial investment but he hoped he would be able to cut the price - or even provide it for free - as more people signed up.

Add to del.icio.us Posted: Tuesday, June 17, 2008 | Permalink

Comments 1 - 50 of 86 |

Reload Comments | Back to Top | Page Numbers

1. Comment #194680 by Godfree Gordon on June 17, 2008 at 7:23 am

"run by a small team of Christians who must log on every day to indicate that the rapture has not yet taken place. If enough of them fail to log in, however, the system assumes that the second coming is nigh and sends out messages from all its subscribers"

To: All my friends
From: Godfree
cc: Blaise Pascal
Subject: Just in case of Rapture...

Other Comments by Godfree Gordon

2. Comment #194681 by Border Collie on June 17, 2008 at 7:28 am

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Actually, sounds like a pretty good cash flow generator to me.

Other Comments by Border Collie

3. Comment #194686 by Apathy personified on June 17, 2008 at 7:33 am

Great business plan - people pay annual fees until jesus: the sequel, occurs (more chance of the sun exploding - which it will do). I'd love it if the site owner turned out to be an atheist.

When they confirm jesus hasn't returned, is it a command box, or is it like kids on a long car journey,
'Jesus back yet?'
'No'

'Jesus back yet?'
'No'

'Jesus back yet?'
'No'

'Jesus back yet?'
'Stop fucking asking!'

Other Comments by Apathy personified

4. Comment #194688 by Grandt on June 17, 2008 at 7:34 am

Could be funny if it was all a typo, and their fables were saying Ruptured, and not Raptured :-)

Other Comments by Grandt

5. Comment #194691 by gcdavis on June 17, 2008 at 7:36 am

I am pleased to announce the launch of the www.endoftheworldisnigh.com website. For a miserly $100 subscription we will be pleased to send you an email at nigh-time (as we like to call it) and if you sign up a friend we will send you commemorative scroll to prove that you were there at the end.

Please hurry as this offer will not be available for ever!

Other Comments by gcdavis

6. Comment #194692 by tahustvedt on June 17, 2008 at 7:37 am

Hehe. That's evil. It's along the line of televangelism and other greedy ways of exploiting christians.

Other Comments by tahustvedt

7. Comment #194695 by hungarianelephant on June 17, 2008 at 7:39 am

And for the bargain price of $25 per year, I would like to offer rapture insurance. In the event of rapture, I will pay all policyholders $1000, to be distributed to those friends and relatives left behind.

Terms and conditions apply.

[EDIT - and wouldn't you just know, gcdavis beat me to it.]

Other Comments by hungarianelephant

8. Comment #194700 by eh-theist on June 17, 2008 at 7:43 am

tahustvedt beat me too it!

Absolutely - I guess these guys do covet their neighbours cash.

How christian (by their definition of "good") can a person be to steal money from their "family"?

Other Comments by eh-theist

9. Comment #194701 by Grandt on June 17, 2008 at 7:43 am

tahustvedt, for some reason I initially read your comment as "and other greedy ways of exploding christians.".
I can't say I didn't smile at that thought... :-)

Other Comments by Grandt

10. Comment #194713 by tahustvedt on June 17, 2008 at 7:53 am

Haha. Then they would have one more thing in common with lemmings.

Other Comments by tahustvedt

11. Comment #194724 by liberalartist on June 17, 2008 at 8:04 am

There's a sucker born every second, as they say. Isn't it sweet how christianity and capitalism go so well together, or is it christianity and exploitation? yeah, that too.

Other Comments by liberalartist

12. Comment #194734 by Elles on June 17, 2008 at 8:12 am

I confess!

The "Rapture Letters" (http://www.raptureletters.com/) promises to send e-mails to unsaved friends if the Rapture comes for free. I signed Richard Dawkins up for one yesterday. :(

The shame!

I hope he never gets it but... damn... the image of the look on his face if he gets one is so funny that that's almost enough for me to want the book of Revelation to be true.

There. Now it's out. I confessed. I'm so sorry, professor. It will never happen again.

Other Comments by Elles

13. Comment #194735 by Apathy personified on June 17, 2008 at 8:15 am

Elles,

It will never happen again.

Don't worry about it, i hear the rapture is a one night show anyway.

Other Comments by Apathy personified

14. Comment #194736 by zeroangel on June 17, 2008 at 8:15 am

HAHAHAHA!

"A fool and his money are soon parted."

I really wonder what kind of knuckle-dragging morons actually send these con-artists $40.

Heck, I don't know a single person / family member / co-worker who DOES believe in God that is anywhere near as ragingly stupid.

ROTFLMAO.

Other Comments by zeroangel

15. Comment #194738 by alexmzk on June 17, 2008 at 8:16 am

And for the bargain price of $25 per year, I would like to offer rapture insurance. In the event of rapture, I will pay all policyholders $1000, to be distributed to those friends and relatives left behind.

really, you could easily afford to offer a pay-off of several million - the odds are greatly stacked in your favour.

Other Comments by alexmzk

16. Comment #194743 by rod-the-farmer on June 17, 2008 at 8:20 am

My companion offer is that for $5, I offer MY email address, as one who should be notified if the rapture comes. I will set up a special address just for this purpose, and I PROMISE not to check it until I hear the advance warning signal. Whatever that is.

And for $10, I will provide my home or cell phone number (have not yet decided) so I can be advised INSTANTLY. No waiting for me to logon.

Other Comments by rod-the-farmer

17. Comment #194748 by hungarianelephant on June 17, 2008 at 8:27 am

alexmzk - Of course. But I thought that I wouldn't like to make an offer which was so obviously too good to be true.

Other Comments by hungarianelephant

18. Comment #194749 by EvidenceOnly on June 17, 2008 at 8:27 am

Comment #194686 by Apathy personified

Don't want to stereotype or insult anyone, but the founders of this little gold mine might be Jewish.

Other Comments by EvidenceOnly

19. Comment #194758 by esuther on June 17, 2008 at 8:39 am

Evidence:

>>>>>Don't want to stereotype or insult anyone, but the founders of this little gold mine might be Jewish.<<<<

Wow. I haven't seen a remark like this in ages. I am assuming it is meant ironically, right?

But why wouldn't you assume they're um...atheists?

In fact, it's such a smart scam, and probably legal, that I would have no trouble at all attributing it to atheists wanting to shame fundidiots.

Wish I had thought of it.

Other Comments by esuther

20. Comment #194760 by huzonfurst on June 17, 2008 at 8:40 am

Why didn't I think of this?? Oh well, back to churning out tortillas with Jesus on them...

Other Comments by huzonfurst

21. Comment #194761 by MarcLindenberg on June 17, 2008 at 8:41 am

Wow, sounds like a con I would devise... but they might actually have systems in place... I am confident enough that I would just make the website :P Screw actually making it work...

Other Comments by MarcLindenberg

22. Comment #194766 by BW022 on June 17, 2008 at 8:50 am

So after the locust, plagues, bells, fire from the skies, etc. descend then Jesus is going to come back to Earth? Meanwhile, those who are faithful are going to be sent straight to heaven and this system is going to e-mail friends and family who don't believe in this?

Some obvious flaws here... besides all of it...

What if all this destruction takes out the e-mail servers, computers, power, etc.?

What if there are enough believers working at the power companies going to heaven and the power goes out?

What if I want to stay and talk with Jesus? If he is so great, why would you want to go away when he is coming to Earth?

Why would I need an e-mail to convince me that the end of the world is coming if I can presumably see it and/or talk to Jesus about it? I mean if e-mail is working I assume CNN or 60 Minutes might want to run some pictures of the burning sky or an interview with Mr. Christ.

Why would this nice Jesus guy not show me to heaven?

If you need e-mails to convince folks that they need to belief in God/Jesus then does that mean all the illiterate, children, or folks without e-mail aren't going to heaven? Just because you don't have e-mail or are too young to read, Jesus is sending you to hell?

If humans can setup computer to e-mail folks and this is sufficient to convince them about God/Jesus, then why can't God/Jesus just e-mail, phone, talk, mind-meld, etc. to folks before killing them all? If I was about to mass-murder nine billion people because they didn't belief in me, why not give them an honest chance to believe in me?

Then again, it isn't smart to ask too many questions about religion.

Other Comments by BW022

23. Comment #194772 by Prankster on June 17, 2008 at 8:56 am

Excuse me while I pick myself up off the fucking floor *giggles insanely*

So true that christianity and cash go palm in sweaty palm-how fucking gullible are people?

I really hope they're not using "Windows Outlook" to send the e-mails out-the "Rapture" could have been and gone by the time the bloody e-mails have gone out.

Idiots. However looks like the "toast with the image of the virgin mary" and the orange with the pips in spelling "God" ideas both need refining again.......

Other Comments by Prankster

24. Comment #194774 by Teratornis on June 17, 2008 at 8:58 am

Comment #194688 by Grandt:

Could be funny if it was all a typo, and their fables were saying Ruptured, and not Raptured :-)

The word "rapture" does not actually occur in the Bible. For example:

http://bibleresources.bible.com/keywordsearchresults.php?multiplemethod=all&numpageresults=25&select=searchBible&keyword=rapture&Submit.x=0&Submit.y=0&version=9

The Bible makes some predictions about the future, but they are all so vague that even people who want to believe the Bible is literally true are unable to agree on exactly what the Bible predicts. The pre-tribulationist school of eschatology probably gets the most press coverage, but it is by no means the only interpretation of the fragmented, contradictory, and often allegorical prophecies scattered about the Bible.

For a mind-numbing overview, see:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_eschatology

It's like the situation with Nostradamus, and pretty much every irrational belief system (UFOs, Bigfoot, etc.). The quality of prediction is similar to what you get from a magic 8-ball.

Other Comments by Teratornis

25. Comment #194776 by advocatus_diaboli on June 17, 2008 at 9:01 am

It's like the situation with Nostradamus, and pretty much every irrational belief system (UFOs, Bigfoot, etc.).

Hey now, there is no reason to drag bigfoot into this. I know in my heart he's real, okay!

Other Comments by advocatus_diaboli

26. Comment #194785 by mordacious1 on June 17, 2008 at 9:14 am

Damn, the rapture happened and I didn't notice, and I forgot to check my inbox. I'm screwed.

Other Comments by mordacious1

27. Comment #194787 by Ygern on June 17, 2008 at 9:16 am

Apparently they do not think that the Rapture (or whatever) is going to end the world. The ungodly and unsaved will still be around afterwards - these are the ones who will be the recipients of the paid-for e-mails.

I should imagine they all run along the lines of 'I told you so'.

Still, one is tempted to try and trigger a Rapturous Response from the server :-)

On the other hand, there can be nothing more humiliating than logging on day after day, year after year, just to type: Still no Rapture. Damn.

Other Comments by Ygern

28. Comment #194788 by black wolf on June 17, 2008 at 9:21 am

The Rapture already happened in the year 1323. There were no emails back then, and the dozen or so true Christians suddenly gone weren't missed. Christians, get over it, it's too late. You are in Hell, this is it. You are damned, along with all your future descendants, to live your life out until death on this Earth, for eternity. Praying and pleading, going to church and handing out tracts will do nothing for you or anybody else now, the judgment has been spoken. God has chosen those to praise him in Heaven for all eternity, and you are not of them. Now deal with it.

Other Comments by black wolf

29. Comment #194792 by Doctor Dee on June 17, 2008 at 9:26 am

... more than one member being taken out by, attack, natural disaster, or epidemic ...

This was the clause I homed in on. Does that make me a nasty person?

Other Comments by Doctor Dee

30. Comment #194793 by Teratornis on June 17, 2008 at 9:27 am

Comment #194776 by advocatus_diaboli:

Hey now, there is no reason to drag bigfoot into this. I know in my heart he's real, okay!

Don't get me wrong, I respect your beliefs, but I say if Bigfoot is real, let him complain.

I'm not saying I can prove the nonexistence of Bigfoot, any more than I can definitively rule out the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but the odds against the existence of any large North American cryptids seem overwhelming. Particularly now that biologists and hunters have infrared cameras and so on.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptid

If Moore's law keeps exponentiating onward, eventually every square meter of U.S. territory could be under constant surveillance, sharply reducing the ability of any remaining cryptids to hide here.

Has anyone else noticed that reports of the Chupacabra originate almost entirely from the Hispanic community, and not from their Anglo neighbors who live nearby?

Other Comments by Teratornis

31. Comment #194794 by rod-the-farmer on June 17, 2008 at 9:31 am

Just for fun I clicked on the link provided above

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_eschatology

and did a quick scan. I must admit I had not dug deeply into the meaning of the word before. Wow. The explanation, and the terms used to describe the various thinking on this subject, caused me to shake my head. There is an ENTIRE world of bafflegab out there, on this sort of thing. No wonder people can get a PHD in religion. There is so much to know, about so little. There are more words linking to subsets of belief than I could count. Gadzooks. Good for chuckles all afternoon. Ah well, time for a bit of lunch.

Other Comments by rod-the-farmer

32. Comment #194799 by advocatus_diaboli on June 17, 2008 at 9:38 am

Don't get me wrong, I respect your beliefs, but I say if Bigfoot is real, let him complain.

I'm not saying I can prove the nonexistence of Bigfoot, any more than I can definitively rule out the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but the odds against the existence of any large North American cryptids seem overwhelming. Particularly now that biologists and hunters have infrared cameras and so on.

Don't you see, its because you do not have faith that bigfoot does not reveal himself to you. You science types will deny anything regardless of the evidence won't you! You with all your "theories". Angels hold everything to the earth and I know it!

Sorry....sometimes this just makes me feel better. What about rapture auto-insurance to cover any damaged caused if you're raptured while driving?

Other Comments by advocatus_diaboli

33. Comment #194818 by Teratornis on June 17, 2008 at 9:57 am

Comment #194794 by rod-the-farmer:

Wow. The explanation, and the terms used to describe the various thinking on this subject, caused me to shake my head.

Be sure to check out this link then, you won't be disappointed:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Disappointment

You think you're shaking your head...imagine trying to get your head around the idea of once having believed this stuff.

The human brain is a strange glob of goo. It has a seemingly inexhaustible capacity to convince itself of things it hasn't come close to proving yet. This isn't just occasional behavior, but standard operating procedure. Everybody has at least some strongly held beliefs that aren't based in anything resembling solidly conclusive evidence.

We like to laugh at theists (and in my case, I'm laughing especially at my former self), but how many of us can be absolutely sure we don't harbor a few equally laughable beliefs of our own? Which we get just as territorially defensive about?

Speaking of lunch, I'm enjoying a bowl of sour cherries straight off a tree. Some friends of mine bought a house without knowing it came with a cherry tree in the back yard. It seems the lady of the household dislikes the taste of sour cherries, but I rather like them. The fruit yield is impressive, a lot more cherries than one could easily gorge on in the brief week before they spoil. But I'll give it the college try.

I need to plant some of these marvelous free food machines in my small yard, which currently generates nothing but negative value, by producing grass that I have to repeatedly mow.

Other Comments by Teratornis

34. Comment #194821 by black wolf on June 17, 2008 at 10:01 am

Teratornis,
bah. Cherry picker.

Other Comments by black wolf

35. Comment #194826 by PristinePanda on June 17, 2008 at 10:05 am

Hehe, I would be VERY happy if all of the billion or so Christians disappeared instantaneously - the world would be a much nicer place.

I want the Rapture to occur as much as they do :D

Other Comments by PristinePanda

36. Comment #194830 by Teratornis on June 17, 2008 at 10:09 am

Comment #194799 by advocatus_diaboli:

Don't you see, its because you do not have faith that bigfoot does not reveal himself to you.

I quite agree - I lack sufficient faith to construct a reality in which Bigfoot can roam free.

You science types will deny anything regardless of the evidence won't you!

I'm flattered that you lump me with science types, but you seem to define "evidence" differently than they do.

Human brains cook up lots of interesting ideas. I've had dreams about potential current news events that were so vivid, I hastened to my computers upon awakening for a reality check with the latest news.

Most people have had the experience of waking up from a terrifying dream - and feeling actually terrified. Upon checking around carefully in the awakened state, the dreamers concluded their dreams were not "real." Which means their dreams weren't based on the kind of evidence that fully awake people can easily convince the vast majority of other fully awake people to accept.

Religion is like a way for people to believe their dreams.

You with all your "theories". Angels hold everything to the earth and I know it!

Do your angels have beards? Because they surely don't shave with Occam's Razor.

Sorry....sometimes this just makes me feel better. What about rapture auto-insurance to cover any damaged caused if you're raptured while driving?

No self-respecting Jesus could even think about rapturing any gaswasters. How is the Great Tribulation supposed to happen without lots of gaswasters to deplete the petroleum and trigger off World War III over the last remaining scraps of oil in the Middle East?

Other Comments by Teratornis

37. Comment #194833 by headcold on June 17, 2008 at 10:13 am

My favorite part is at the website under Services. One of the services they offer is: Write your own documents or choose from some of ours.

Wonderful! Not only will I not be raptured, but I'm going to get a form letter from grandma telling me 'Told ya so!'

Other Comments by headcold

38. Comment #194854 by Raiko on June 17, 2008 at 10:32 am

What a scam!

Day #35398: "Not enough Christians have logged into our website. The rapture is happening. REPENT NOW!"

Day #35399: "We apologize for the false notification. There was just a 24 hour power outage in Texas and many of our hard-paying members could not log in. But it's good you repented out of fear. God loves you."

Other Comments by Raiko

39. Comment #194855 by advocatus_diaboli on June 17, 2008 at 10:34 am

Repent! For there is still time to come to know and love bigfoot. Just follow the holy teachings of De proprietatibus rerum. Though I doubt a heathen such as you would understand such holy truths(catoblepas got your tongue?)

I agree especially with that last line. As I see it, religion is not so much about actual belief to people as it is a way to justify the beliefs they already choose to form(which I feel is why so many religious spend so much time bitching about other people)

Yes. They are Amish after all.

No self-respecting Jesus could even think about rapturing any gaswasters. How is the Great Tribulation supposed to happen without lots of gaswasters to deplete the petroleum and trigger off World War III over the last remaining scraps of oil in the Middle East?

Oh damn, I am out of the loop. Last I heard the Christians were trying to get rid of all the petroleum because it indicated an earth older than 6000 years and must have been placed there by Satan.

Other Comments by advocatus_diaboli

40. Comment #194859 by ScaryJerry1970 on June 17, 2008 at 10:38 am

So what if your email application thinks the rapture message is just spam?

Other Comments by ScaryJerry1970

41. Comment #194887 by Rationalist1 on June 17, 2008 at 11:15 am

I often thought a good service for us non-believers to offer would be a rescue service for pets left locked in Christian houses after the rapture. For a small annual fee keys could be left with a local atheist who, when he or she realize they've bet on the wrong pony, would go to the selected houses, determine if the inhabitants truly were raptured and if so rescue Fido or Fluffy.

But, Christian detractors would say, you atheists have by definition no morals so why would we trust you. I think the way we can show we have morals and earn their trust would be not to create such a web site to prey upon poor guillible Christians.

Other Comments by Rationalist1

42. Comment #194892 by Bob Russell on June 17, 2008 at 11:22 am

Dumb....dumb.....dumb phucks...

Other Comments by Bob Russell

43. Comment #194904 by scottishgeologist on June 17, 2008 at 11:38 am

Rod-the-Farmer, yes that whole eschatology thing is really quite ridiculous. The fact that there are so many "-isms realted to that one subject speaks volumes.

Just like there are as many "-isms" relating to Christianity as a whole

Just think, all these people, with all these different ideas, are all working from the same source material, the Bible. This book, that apparently contains an unbeleiveably important message about your and my future state for eternity, is so vague, ambiguous and equivocal that there are all these "-isms" derived from it, each one claiming to be the true faith.

Only one can possibly be right.

Or they are ALL crap.

And like you mention, it is possible to get a PhD in this apology for an academic subject.

...shakes head, grabs another drink....

:-)))
SG

Other Comments by scottishgeologist

44. Comment #194920 by prettygoodformonkeys on June 17, 2008 at 12:05 pm

'raptureletters.com' does this for free.

I have been registered for a year or so, and have registered a few friends as a favor, and tell them so.

Then we have a great laugh.

Other Comments by prettygoodformonkeys

45. Comment #194925 by clodhopper on June 17, 2008 at 12:22 pm

Youvebeenleftbehind.com

Dear Richard

Ner ner ne ner ner!

Raptureously yours

David Robertson

FCOS
Think before you print this e-mail. Do you really need to?

Other Comments by clodhopper

46. Comment #194940 by Teratornis on June 17, 2008 at 12:44 pm

Comment #194855 by advocatus_diaboli:

Almost thou persuadest me to believe in Bigfoot.

Bitching is what people do when they have a problem they cannot solve. Given the near-impossibility of convincing (at least some) people to believe in particular brands of unsupported nonsense they don't already believe in, anyone who accepts that task as their Great Commission is likely to do a lot of bitching.

Oh damn, I am out of the loop. Last I heard the Christians were trying to get rid of all the petroleum because it indicated an earth older than 6000 years and must have been placed there by Satan.

The film Crude Awakening quotes a Venezuelan petroleum official who says "Petroleum is the excrement of the devil."

It's interesting that the typical mega-church builds a parking lot to hold all the devil shit that is many times larger than the building in the center where the gaswasting Christians spend a few hours outside their cars.

Other Comments by Teratornis

47. Comment #194964 by Bertybob on June 17, 2008 at 1:19 pm

Dumb shits...

Other Comments by Bertybob

48. Comment #194977 by WilliamP on June 17, 2008 at 1:35 pm

Wow, quite a service this company provides. I for one know that if the rapture actually occured and I witnessed thousands of people floating up to the heavens as Jesus Christ led an army of the faithful against the devil, I still wouldn't believe in god. That is unless some fundamentalists sent me a bunch of ranting e-mails...

Other Comments by WilliamP

49. Comment #195001 by Michael King on June 17, 2008 at 2:14 pm

For an annual fee of $40 (Â£20),

Enough said.

Other Comments by Michael King

50. Comment #195015 by davem on June 17, 2008 at 2:26 pm

Thinks aloud...crack their website, send the emails, recipients reply 'uh?', senders think rapture happened without them, start to panic... evil laugh...

Other Comments by davem