Tuesday, July 8, 2008 | Reason : In the News | print version

McDonald's Makes Jesus Cry

by Chris Kelly - Huffington Post

Thanks to SPS for the link.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-kelly/mcdonalds-makes-jesus-cry_b_111421.html

McDonald's Makes Jesus Cry
Chris Kelly

There are billions and billions of reasons to hate McDonald's. They took the McRib away, for one, and that burns. (Sometimes I almost wish I'd never loved it at all.) There's at least one good reason to like McDonald's: They're being boycotted by the American Family Association.

What did McDonald's do to cross the AFA, its president, Donald Wildmon, and -- by extension -- Jesus (R-Nz.)? They donated $20,000 to the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. McDonald's' revenue runs about five billion dollars a quarter, so you can see their profound commitment to destroying the family through sodomy.

The AFA says that by donating one thousandth of one percent of its 2007 earnings,

"McDonald's has chosen not to remain neutral but to give the full weight of their corporation to promoting the homosexual agenda."

Which seems like a kind of shrill definition of "full weight," but maybe it's like the Quarter Pounder®, and it's the weight before cooking that counts.

It feels a little like the American Family Association was looking for someone to boycott and it was just McDonald's' turn. They've already boycotted Sears, Kohl's, Kmart, Target, Old Navy and IKEA. As a result, they're naked and don't have anywhere to sit. The McDonald's boycott follows boycotts of Burger King, Carl's Jr., 7-11, Proctor & Gamble and Kraft, which means Donald Wildmon hasn't eaten anything for sale in America since the late '70s. You'd think he'd be dead, but no.

(He's a good guy. I'll bet he loads up on locusts, beetles and grasshoppers, like it says in Leviticus. The same book that -- there's no getting around it -- says homosexuality is an abomination, absolutely as heinous in G*d's eyes as strong drink.)

Does the AFA hate homosexuals? Absolutely not! It says so, right on their website, under the heading and sub-head: "Does AFA Hate Homosexuals? Absolutely Not!"

Should McDonald's take the boycott seriously? The customer is always right, I guess. (I think that's from Deuteronomy.) But McDonald's might want to think about the kind of customers they're losing. They appear to be lunatics.

Oh look, here are some of their thoughts:

"YOU DID NOT BILD YOUR COMPANY ON HOMOSEXUAL PEOPLE! IT WAS BUILD ON FAMILY VALUES! MAN,WIFE.CHILDREN!MOSTLTY CHILDREN! THEY DON'T COME FROM HOMO PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What next, Adam & Steve in the children's happy meals? i WILL not condone the Corp. of Mc Donalds to force me to shop where it is not in lign with my believe in God and HIS scripture..."

"I have stopped at my last McDonald. If you support homos, that is fine with me. I do not have to eat your burgers. Maybe there are enough homos around to keep your arches open."

"I suppose next the playground will be open for pedifiles in order to not offend them."

"You have joined God's list of enemies!"

"What's next? Support for the Man-Boy Love Association! This shall not stand!"

"The McFaddin Family will vote with our Money and Feet and take our business elsewhere! You can stuff your Happy Gay Meal and Happy Gay Agenda where the Sun don't Shine!"

"If the McDonald's heirarchy thinks we'll buy their burgers and support deranged homosexual activists who force their lifestyle on innocent children in the public schools, they had better think again. Their burgers now have a smelly odor to them."

"You advertise straight to children (Happy Meals). Can anyone say pederasty? This lifestyle' you embolden is really a deathstyle!"

"The only thing you'll be cooking is yourselves, for eternity."

"the next thing you know RONALD will be molesting our children. No big macks for this family."

"Are you also going to support open activity between man and beast? You are helping to open the door to bestiality, sex with children, plural homosexual marriages and the list goes on!"

"Dear, McDonald's. Last week I ate a cheeseburger at your restaurant. If I would've known it was created by gay loving hands, I wouldn't have purchased it. Don't you guys know gays were behind the holocaust? First Jews, and now the family. What is next, McDonald's? Are you going to help gays eradicate sand? WHAT WILL WE DO WITHOUT SAND!?!?"

"I recently saw two young teenagers making out. I figure McDonalds is no longer my kind of place. I think the sixteen year old worked there."

I just had a thought -- honest to God, I swear this wasn't where I was heading with this thing; I was just going to make a lot of snotty remarks about reductio ad absurdum and the McFaddin Family's feet -- but it occurs to me that McDonald's has done something brilliant:

They've deliberately offended a demographic they don't want.

For just $20,000, they've chased off all the crazy people who hang McDonald's sputtering and ranting and making me not want to eat there.

It's genius.

Now, if they'd just bring back the McRib.

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1. Comment #206378 by DamnDirtyApe on July 8, 2008 at 10:20 am

...I... I don't know what to say. I'm nearly laughing out loud over here.

Other Comments by DamnDirtyApe

2. Comment #206387 by Faith Minus on July 8, 2008 at 10:27 am

Ha that was great! Those comments are gold

Other Comments by Faith Minus

3. Comment #206388 by AoClay on July 8, 2008 at 10:27 am

pedophiles? like a priest?

Other Comments by AoClay

4. Comment #206389 by WilliamP on July 8, 2008 at 10:28 am

you can see their profound commitment to destroying the family through sodomy

I'm lovin' it.

Other Comments by WilliamP

5. Comment #206392 by Shaden on July 8, 2008 at 10:30 am

I generally use the AFA's boycott list as places I should shop. Looks like I'm getting McDonalds for lunch today.

Other Comments by Shaden

6. Comment #206396 by AdrianT on July 8, 2008 at 10:32 am

I think if you just got a few of the major paper mills to offer tacit support to McDonalds (so consolidated is that particular industry), AFA would have to boycott all toilet roll brands ;-)

Other Comments by AdrianT

7. Comment #206399 by mordacious1 on July 8, 2008 at 10:37 am

How come I don't get new posts into "latest news" until there are at least 10 comments posted. This has been going on for awhile. Is this a conspiracy? Are the non-americans getting first shot at threads now? I call for a full Senate hearing on this. Perhaps I was getting "first post" too often. I swear I wasn't one of those first-post gloaters. I'm damned I tell you, damned.

Other Comments by mordacious1

8. Comment #206403 by nattyadams on July 8, 2008 at 10:42 am

Wow. Now I kind of like the McDonald's corporation. That wasn't supposed to happen.

I'm gonna get me some fries!

Other Comments by nattyadams

9. Comment #206406 by Captain Kendrick on July 8, 2008 at 10:46 am

I saw Jesus at McDonald's at midnight....
said he wasn't doin' alright
Said he didn't feel so fine fine fine
said he's 'bout-'bout-bout to lose his mind

I saw Mama humpin' Santa Claus
(she said it was because of menopause)
Tha's why she had to have-a Rudolph too
You know mymymymymy love is true, yeah, let's go!

I'm in love with a lady wrestler
you know them snake-haired women do it better!
She got me, she got me in a figure 4 facelock
I say, bay-bay-baby just don't stop..

I saw Allah at an Arby's
I saw Moses at McDonald's
I saw the Rama Lama from Alabama at the barbecue pit on U-Nye-Ver-Sye-Tee,
I saw, I saw, I saw, Buddha at a Burger King,
I saw Joey at a Jack in the Box,
I jusjusjusjusjusjusjus can't stop, yeah
I saw Mother Mary at a Roberto's on El Cajon**...
(man, I'm in the TWIlight zozozozozone!)

(snip)

GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!

-Mojo Nixon

(sorry folks, couldn't resist....)

Other Comments by Captain Kendrick

10. Comment #206407 by mordacious1 on July 8, 2008 at 10:48 am

Actually one of these nut groups tried to boycott Disneyland after they had a "Gay Day" years ago. Didn't work.

If these xians wanna know what hell is like, just be in a car full of hungry little kids as you pass a Mc's, then explain that they can't go there because Ronald is gay.

Other Comments by mordacious1

11. Comment #206409 by DamnDirtyApe on July 8, 2008 at 10:51 am

Woah there buddy, McDonald's still need to make up for being generally awful at making food. I'm fine with them doing whatever charity work they want. Just not at the cost of subjugating the world to the tenuously titled 'beef patty' burger.

Mord, chill, I'm in Canterbury.

Other Comments by DamnDirtyApe

12. Comment #206410 by robotaholic on July 8, 2008 at 10:51 am

it's amazing how we're hated (gay people)

Other Comments by robotaholic

13. Comment #206414 by al-rawandi on July 8, 2008 at 10:56 am

Ohhhhh this is priceless, more priceless than "pedifiles".

Gays perpetrated the Holocaust? I knew the Nazis wore a lot of leather... but all of them gay? Crazy.

Goes to show the kind of people that love them some Jesus. I just like to underline these arguments.

Other Comments by al-rawandi

14. Comment #206415 by Tezcatlipoca on July 8, 2008 at 10:56 am

2 all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, onions, all on a sesame seed bun!

Other Comments by Tezcatlipoca

15. Comment #206416 by Captain Kendrick on July 8, 2008 at 10:57 am

..."it's amazing how we're hated (gay people) "...

Not so much hated as feared, but as Yoda sez:

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

Other Comments by Captain Kendrick

16. Comment #206417 by mordacious1 on July 8, 2008 at 10:57 am

DamnDirtyApe

You make my point. Since when is Canterbury in the U.S.? Actually, there are probably a few but I think you're in the one with the archbishop.

Other Comments by mordacious1

17. Comment #206420 by Broicher on July 8, 2008 at 10:59 am

I can almost imagine that McDonald's has done this for marketing reasons, well, I would :-)

What I think is noticeable is the terminology those narrow minds use. "Homosexual agenda", "Homosexual lifestyle". They obviously truely believe that homosexualtiy is a choice. Those people do not harm anyone ... well, as long as they are no priests chasing altarboys.

Other Comments by Broicher

18. Comment #206422 by Overmann on July 8, 2008 at 11:02 am

...force their lifestyle on innocent children in the public schools...

Which is still completely unlike what your bloc is trying to do with creationism in science class? Hypocrites, but I suppose I should have figured.

The whole article is wonderfully witty and funny, though I especially like the comments in it. If the best defense these people can come up with is a slippery slope (and indeed there are more than a few in there), why are they still so formidable?

Other Comments by Overmann

19. Comment #206423 by mordacious1 on July 8, 2008 at 11:02 am

Tez

Yeah, what exactly is that "special sauce"?

Other Comments by mordacious1

20. Comment #206426 by DamnDirtyApe on July 8, 2008 at 11:06 am

16. Comment #206417 by mordacious1 on July 8, 2008 at 10:57 am

oops. erm.. well, obviously I misunderestimated your wordings there.

There is no conspiracy! Now, go back to sleep.

Other Comments by DamnDirtyApe

21. Comment #206427 by Tezcatlipoca on July 8, 2008 at 11:06 am

It's an addictive substance that makes you crave it fortnightly...

Other Comments by Tezcatlipoca

22. Comment #206428 by corinnemic on July 8, 2008 at 11:06 am

Okay, the SAND comment has to be a joke. I wonder how many of these people will actually stick by the boycott. The Internet being the anonymous beast that it is, I'm sure Joe Sixpack will be haulin' the family down there for a little Western cuisine come evening.

Other Comments by corinnemic

23. Comment #206433 by happinessiseasy on July 8, 2008 at 11:13 am

NOOOOO!!!!! This is gonna be like that time they boycotted Disney, and now there's no Disney anymore!!! We can't let this happen!!!

Other Comments by happinessiseasy

24. Comment #206436 by cowalker on July 8, 2008 at 11:15 am

"Maybe there are enough homos around to keep your arches open."

Is it just me or is there a way to read this as something other than serious criticism of McDonald's?

Other Comments by cowalker

25. Comment #206453 by Spinoza on July 8, 2008 at 11:32 am

Heterosodomophiles beware?

Other Comments by Spinoza

26. Comment #206459 by rod-the-farmer on July 8, 2008 at 11:37 am

Are you going to help gays eradicate sand? WHAT WILL WE DO WITHOUT SAND!?!?"

Uhhh.....sorry to appear so dim here, but is this an age-related joke of some type ? Being past the age of whatever, I am afraid I don't get the reference here. Someone more "with it" please explain. Thenk yew verra much.

Other Comments by rod-the-farmer

27. Comment #206463 by davemei on July 8, 2008 at 11:44 am

That's all that needs to be said about the people boycotting McDonald's.

But I'll say more...Family values? I swore McD's succeeded because of capitalism, iono...

Here in grown-up society, we call that a church.

Other Comments by davemei

28. Comment #206464 by JSW on July 8, 2008 at 11:44 am

19: Thousand Island salad dressing. They may use something slightly different, but it tastes the same.

Other Comments by JSW

29. Comment #206466 by Star Spangled Eagle on July 8, 2008 at 11:45 am

"Yes, hi, can I have the artery clogging burger with cheese and cardiac arrest?"

~"Would you like gay with that?"~

"Uh, no that'll be it."

~"$5.25 please drive up."~

Other Comments by Star Spangled Eagle

30. Comment #206469 by Tezcatlipoca on July 8, 2008 at 11:51 am

ah yes, 1000 island dressing...much like it's more obscure sibling, the "big boy". Will the creotards rush to get their double burger fix at Big Boy? He does wear his plastic doo in the classic evangelical pompador.

Other Comments by Tezcatlipoca

31. Comment #206470 by CJ22 on July 8, 2008 at 11:51 am

Jesus (R-Nz.)

*snicker.

Other Comments by CJ22

32. Comment #206475 by Colwyn Abernathy on July 8, 2008 at 11:54 am

I think if you just got a few of the major paper mills to offer tacit support to McDonalds (so consolidated is that particular industry), AFA would have to boycott all toilet roll brands ;-)

And they can all start using their bare hands like god intended them too. God hates Scott Paper. ;)

Other Comments by Colwyn Abernathy

33. Comment #206476 by phil rimmer on July 8, 2008 at 11:54 am

Spinoza

Heterosodomophiles beware?

Nominal determinism being what it is, I should beware also. Being a HETEROanilinguist is surely no defence.

This whole business leaves a nasty taste in the mouth, much like the contents of Ronald McDonald's sad little buns, in fact.

Other Comments by phil rimmer

34. Comment #206479 by Big City on July 8, 2008 at 11:59 am

Pretty funny article even aside from the homophobe comments.

Homophobes = White Trash
White Trash Food = McDonald's
They're not going anywhere.

Too bad I can't support McDonald's financially, though. That shit ain't food; it's just edible.

Other Comments by Big City

35. Comment #206481 by action bastard on July 8, 2008 at 12:00 pm

Is the AFA really that dumb? Or are they really a gay and lesbian group pretending to be a moronic christian group? Perhaps I've underestimated the depths of their stupidity. Either way it was good for a laugh.

Other Comments by action bastard

36. Comment #206484 by scottishgeologist on July 8, 2008 at 12:03 pm

Fascinating! How about this article:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/specials/1616_fastfood/page6.shtml

Where we read:

Over half the population of the USA live within 3 minutes drive of a McDonald's, and Ray Kroc, the founder of the restaurant chain, made sure they did so. He used the company plane in the 1960s to spot from the air the best locations and road junctions for new restaurant branches.

Church steeples were often his guide, because Kroc wanted to attract church-going families to his temples of efficiency and nourishment, which always had clean toilets.

In fact, in the USA more people now eat in McDonald's than go to church or synagogue. Surveys have shown that the golden arches are better known than the Christian cross.

:-))
SG

Other Comments by scottishgeologist

37. Comment #206496 by Jack Rawlinson on July 8, 2008 at 12:16 pm

Oh dear... this is what's known as a moral dilemma. On the one hand I have major issues with McDonalds (not least that I think their food is crap), on the other hand... this deserves some support!

Oh God.

Maybe I'll buy my first Big Mac in ten years tonight. :-)

Other Comments by Jack Rawlinson

38. Comment #206500 by evolver23 on July 8, 2008 at 12:18 pm

The AFA says that by donating one thousandth of one percent of its 2007 earnings,

The funny thing is, if McDonald's brings in 20 billion a year, and they donated 20,000, then it's actually only one ten-thousandth of one percent...which is even funnier.

Other Comments by evolver23

39. Comment #206501 by Pattern Seeker on July 8, 2008 at 12:23 pm

rod-the-farmer,

I think this explains it-

[an old convict and H.I. lying on their prison bunks, passing the time]
Ear-Bending Cellmate: ...and when there was no meat, we ate fowl and when there was no fowl, we ate crawdad and when there was no crawdad to be found, we ate sand.
H.I.: You ate what?
Ear-Bending Cellmate: We ate sand.
[pause]
H.I.: You ate SAND?
Ear-Bending Cellmate: That's right! And if there was no sand we ate McDonalds...

Other Comments by Pattern Seeker

40. Comment #206503 by JAlcoforado on July 8, 2008 at 12:24 pm

The thought police have gone to get him:
http://www.billingsgazette.com/rednews/2001/03/08/build/breaking/images/ronald1.jpg

Other Comments by JAlcoforado

41. Comment #206506 by Sciros on July 8, 2008 at 12:28 pm

Sheesh dude buy a McFlurry or a turnover or something. McD's doesn't *only* offer greasy burgers and fries to eat.

Other Comments by Sciros

42. Comment #206547 by 8teist on July 8, 2008 at 1:03 pm

This may well be the first step on the road to RAPTURE ,no more Mc D`s,for the creotarded, ......well lets hope so anyhoo....;-)

Other Comments by 8teist

43. Comment #206548 by drbreakfast on July 8, 2008 at 1:04 pm

It never ceases to amaze me that these fundies get SO worked up over gay people. I can think of far more legitimate reasons to boycott McDonald's -- say because its food contributes to child obesity and other premature health problems in kids??

Another example of religious insanity.

Other Comments by drbreakfast

44. Comment #206567 by mesha on July 8, 2008 at 1:24 pm

O_O praise the lord and stop eating those burgers, for by eating there you are ensuring an eternity of damnation and torture

Other Comments by mesha

45. Comment #206572 by Border Collie on July 8, 2008 at 1:28 pm

Oh, well, McDonalds is as good a target as any for personal issues to be projected upon. I wonder if their burgers are any better now?

Other Comments by Border Collie

46. Comment #206580 by Cartomancer on July 8, 2008 at 1:36 pm

You mean we've been rumbled on the top-secret "project sand" thing? Damn, the Secret Conclave of Sodom will be seething when they find out. Now I'm going to have to cook up an even more heinous and depraved way to bring the nuclear family crashing down into a sea of moral tirpitude. Some kind of remote-controlled exploding hats maybe?

As it happens this particular homosexual has had a lifelong love affair with the warm, tasty cuisine purveyed under those magnificent golden arches. I've probably put away enough chicken McNuggets to keep the National Lesbian and Gay Chamber of Commerce in business for several years. And the one on Cornmarket Street is now open until 3am every day of the week, making it so much more convenient for someone with my vampiric circadian rhythms.

Other Comments by Cartomancer

47. Comment #206589 by steveroot on July 8, 2008 at 1:56 pm

14. Comment #206415 by Tezcatlipoca on July 8, 2008 at 10:56 am
2 all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, onions, all on a sesame seed bun!

It's enough to make you gay just thinking about it!
Me, I'll have the *Quarter Pounder* ;-)

33. Comment #206476 by phil rimmer on July 8, 2008 at 11:54 am
Heterosodomophiles beware?

Nominal determinism being what it is, I should beware also. Being a HETEROanilinguist is surely no defence.

Spoken like a true and cunning linguist.
Ste5e

Other Comments by steveroot

48. Comment #206590 by Faithhead on July 8, 2008 at 1:57 pm

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.....................................hahahahahahahahahahah
ahahahahahahaha.........................hahahahahahaha.........You can't make this stuff up!!

Other Comments by Faithhead

49. Comment #206594 by He'sAVeryNaughtyBoy on July 8, 2008 at 2:01 pm

I love the way some people get all jumped up and high and mighty, thinking the big cheese is going to listen to them just because they get all snotty. Fuck off!
I haven't eaten anything from this company in years (more because the food is shite than any ethical hangup), but for once there is a little bit of me that smiles and says "good Ronald".

cowalker - haha, v.funny.

Other Comments by He'sAVeryNaughtyBoy