101. Comment #39632 by briancoughlanworldcitizen on May 11, 2007 at 11:32 am

My ears are bleeding .... and my eyes ...

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102. Comment #39667 by Roll on May 11, 2007 at 1:37 pm

I reckon u've all been had.

An excellent spoof.

http://www.catalaw.com/detox/reverse/14.shtml

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103. Comment #39673 by BaronOchs on May 11, 2007 at 1:45 pm

I'm not sure, wikipedia is convinced at any rate:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Van_Impe

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104. Comment #39675 by IQHQ on May 11, 2007 at 1:52 pm

I don't think so, Roll. Check this out:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Van_Impe

Wiki's not always right, but this page seems to suggest that he's legit. So does the home site of his Ministry:

http://www.jvim.com/home.htm

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105. Comment #39676 by IQHQ on May 11, 2007 at 1:53 pm

LOL

Great minds, Baron ;-)

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106. Comment #39678 by BaronOchs on May 11, 2007 at 2:02 pm

darn it IQHQ, this wikipedia of yours is nothing but a collection of wildly varying writings written by different people at different times, not the unadulterated word of god or something!

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107. Comment #39680 by Roll on May 11, 2007 at 2:09 pm

Wouldn't you tart up and maintain wiki, if you were perpetuating a hoax?

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108. Comment #39681 by IQHQ on May 11, 2007 at 2:10 pm

You can't prove that it's not the inspired Word of God!!!

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109. Comment #39682 by BaronOchs on May 11, 2007 at 2:12 pm

damn it all I'm becoming a postmodernist, truth is an illusion! This Jack van Impe you speak of is just a social construct, there's no reality behind the name I say!

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110. Comment #39684 by Roll on May 11, 2007 at 2:13 pm

Come on - the guy was crying his eyes out for that, cosmetically enhanced, second rate Butlins performance? I know it it is difficult to bite the bullet with American skills at irony, but don't you think this is pushing it?

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111. Comment #39685 by Roll on May 11, 2007 at 2:17 pm

lol - now i am falling in to the same thing. n1 Baron/IQHQ

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112. Comment #39687 by Roll on May 11, 2007 at 2:20 pm

You very nearly had me u basts

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113. Comment #39689 by BaronOchs on May 11, 2007 at 2:30 pm

Well if it's a hoax he's gone to the trouble of righting a whole load of books on biblical prophecy, search for him on amazon to see what I mean. also a search reveals christian websites that take him seriously as well . . .

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114. Comment #39705 by shemp333 on May 11, 2007 at 4:39 pm

This bag o' nuts is for real. I have watched him many times in the USA just to verify and feel righteous in my distaste for bullshit. And his stinks to the highest of heaven! Notice his voracious hand movements, and his bigotry slips by so fast with his rants, you might just miss it. Wolves in sheeps' clothing. No denying it.

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115. Comment #39814 by BT Murtagh on May 12, 2007 at 2:56 am

I painfully transcribed part of this, because I wouldn't want anyone to miss Jack's important revelation from his amazing and up-to-date book.

--

"The Bible teaches in Second Crinius (?) 12:2 that there are three Heavens. The first one goes up 600 miles and consists of the atmosphere, trophosphere, stratosphere, mesosphere, ionosphere, and exosphere. Then, from 600 miles up, and the astronomers have already discovered this, it goes up to 186 trillion billions of miles, and then above that is a third Heaven where God rules and reigns.

"Now there's only one way to get to that third Heaven, and the Bible says that there's an empty space in the north. What an up to date book!

"Job 26:7, 'He hangeth the Earth upon nothing, and stretched out the north over the empty place.' Why? Because the north is where God has shown us the way to get into Heaven.

"It's in the north? Yes, because when Satan fell from Heaven, in 14:12-14, he said 'I will sit upon God's throne in the side to the North,' and Psalms 75:6 adds, 'Blessings come neither from the east nor the west nor the south but from the North.' Now why is that important?

"Wow, what a book! In the constellation of Orion there is an opening out of the Second Heaven to get to the Third!"

--

I'm almost dumbfounded. This crap is easily on a par with the Heaven's Gate nonsense. Maybe Comet Hale-Bopp is actually the sintered remains of Satan's left shoe that he lost in the Fall?

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116. Comment #40042 by THorsman on May 12, 2007 at 7:44 pm

wait...is this serious? I feel like I'm watching Saturday Night Live.

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117. Comment #40045 by Estragon on May 12, 2007 at 8:01 pm

It's true, the gate to heaven is in the north. That's why it's called Gateshead. There's this big Angel there and everything!

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118. Comment #40046 by Bonzai on May 12, 2007 at 8:03 pm

Have we been Borated?

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119. Comment #40049 by Bonzai on May 12, 2007 at 8:19 pm

This is too wierd even for a Christian fundamentalist nut.

Check this out. Jack on the ET

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUTfKoYPhfE

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120. Comment #40125 by weavehole on May 13, 2007 at 8:08 am

For a fairly detailed debunking of the atheist recantation myth see http://www.newhumanist.org.uk/volume120issue1_more.php?id=1226_0_34_0_C
Also here's a slice of Luis Bunuel:
"As I drift toward my last sigh, I often imagine a final joke. I convoke around my deathbed my friends who are confirmed atheists as I am. Then a priest, whom I have summoned, arrives; and to the horror of my friends, I make my confession, ask for absolution for my sins, and receive extreme unction. After which I turn over on my side and expire. But will I have the strength to joke at that moment?"

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121. Comment #40185 by Shigawire on May 13, 2007 at 4:20 pm

Quite pathetic. Notice how easily they apply "Dr" titles to themselves. When he starts talking about the 3rd heaven, my eyes curl.

The lady IS a bit of a MILF though. But that's all she is. :-D

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122. Comment #40192 by Elentar on May 13, 2007 at 6:18 pm

Voltaire's last words on religion are a lot more entertaining. A priest burst in and said "Have you renounced Satan and all his works?" Voltaire answered "My good man, now is not the time to be making enemies."

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123. Comment #40244 by petermun on May 14, 2007 at 2:23 am

Don't these two also sell juicers on the late-night shopping channels? OK - so the juicer is a more credible product - it, too, is claimed to last for an eternity!

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124. Comment #43825 by jimmy1974 on May 22, 2007 at 7:50 pm

ok, the only reason I even created an account at this...website (for lack of a better word) is to post a comment on this post. What's the problem? Why is everyone so worked up over a show that, until you viewed the video, most of you have never seen? That's EXACTLY why they make remotes and on/off switches. if you don't like it, turn it or turn it off! The man is explaining what HE believes in. You freaks are all in here preaching what YOU believe in! What, because he believes in something greater than himself you all think he's insane?!? What's insane is why this thread turned into 123 post of you people complaining about something that you "supposedly" do not believe in. With that being said, you people always say, "prove there is a God!"...okay, now I say, prove there isn't one. Hmmm, stumped aren't ya? I believe in God, I believe in Heaven and Hell, I believe that when I die I will go to Heaven. I believe everything the Bible says, period. I live a perfectly normal life, I'm not "strange" or "insane" in any way. I don't believe that if you don't believe exactly as I do you'll burn in hell. As long as the true meaning of what you believe is the same. That being, Jesus died on a cross for our sins (even yours), and one he will return and take the believers into his arms and live in Heaven with him forever. Pretty cut and dry isn't it? You atheist have tried for YEARS to get prayer out of school and the Ten Commandments taken down from public buildings and all that, but, let's remember one fundamental thing: the most basic of LAWS of this country is taken from the Ten Commandments! Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not kill....Hmmmmm...without those, what kind of laws do you think we would have??? Either way, I'm not "pushing" my religon on you folks, but I firmly believe that when you each draw your last breath, you may not say it but you'll think it, it'll be,"uh oh...thy were right...too late". I hope that's not the case, but there is only ONE way to avoid it....and we all know what it is.

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125. Comment #55192 by zubs11 on July 10, 2007 at 8:17 am

hahahaahahahahahaha

i loved their shameless plug for the heaven video.

analysing which celebrities will go to heaven - brilliant. im gonna buy it.

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126. Comment #55205 by BillySands on July 10, 2007 at 8:44 am

Couldn't watch more than a few minutes of that pile of shite before my stomach churned and I vomited blood because of the absolute inanity of it

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127. Comment #173255 by Rick and his Ward on April 30, 2008 at 2:44 pm

Treeeemenduss!!

No circular arguments here then!

Now, where's me puke bucket?

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128. Comment #175195 by Marc Weeks on May 4, 2008 at 7:45 pm

As she sang "Were you there when they nailed him to the tree?," all I could think of was Terry Jones of Monty Python singing "Never be rude to an Arab."

I've been aware of these two for a long time. I remember once he spoke about where Hell might be--I think it was in a globular cluster or something. In this video he says that Heaven's in the north, in a hole (??) in Orion, which isn't near the north so much.

I like at the end when Rexella says that Jesus's resurrection is a "fact of history," yet she goes on to add that you need faith. Why?

Jack's always driven me nuts by the constant scripture quoting. It almost sounds like he's trying to sneak the stuff in there subliminally, like: "Rexella and I had dinner last night--1 Timothy 4:1 and God said, 'Let's eat!'--and it was just marvelous.

By the way, I'm writing this e-mail from the World Headquarters of I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!

I work with someone who talks about teaching Bible study and at church camp--this, by the way, is someone who can't pass a simple civil service test--and I'm waiting for the day that she approaches me on this subject. Actually, the whole office is full of Christers, the "everything happens for a reason" lot.

I heard another tornado survivor say yesterday that God's hand had protected them from being flattened. One would naturally conclude, therefore, that God hates little girls, one of which he allowed to be killed by a falling tree.

Where's that hole in Orion when you need it?

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129. Comment #175200 by Dr Benway on May 4, 2008 at 8:47 pm

Marc Weeks: Jack's always driven me nuts by the constant scripture quoting. It almost sounds like he's trying to sneak the stuff in there subliminally, like: "Rexella and I had dinner last night--1 Timothy 4:1 and God said, 'Let's eat!'--and it was just marvelous.

By the way, I'm writing this e-mail from the World Headquarters of I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!

You maded me get teh lulz!

Let me see if I can gif u lol:


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