By LISA BAUER
Added: Wed, 03 Feb 2010 00:00:00 UTC

http://www.secularhumanism.org/index.php?section=library&page=bauer_30_2
Part 3 of my article, Subjection and Escape, has now been published, and it's been put online at the Free Inquiry website. It can be read by itself, since it's more of a summing-up of my emotional and psychological state and how that related to my embrace of Islam, rather than being a direct sequel to the other two parts, but they do provide a lot of context and background information.

Unfortunately, Part 2 is unavailable on the website, but I have a .pdf file of the final author's proof of it. I would like to make it available to people who may wish to read it
http://c0524352.cdn.cloudfiles.rackspacecloud.com/100203BauerPart2.pdf

Part 1 was posted on RD.net here: http://richarddawkins.net/articles/4333

Lisa Bauer



In the third and final part of this series, Lisa Bauer explains how the combination of her devotion to Islam and certain characteristics of her personality almost destroyed her.

—Eds.

Countless commentators have offered general reasons for objecting to Islam—it’s misogynistic, medieval, theocratic, and so on. I agree, and one can read innumerable critiques along these lines by Muslim, ex-Muslim, and non-Muslim writers. I wish to take a more personal approach. What was it about Islam as a religion that combined with my psychology to create the sad, terrified, timid young woman I was—and, truth be told, to some extent still am?

It’s not just that Islam is horrific in itself. Mix its teachings, rules, and general ethos with my own sensitive personality—add in my pathetic tale of being sexually exploited by the religious authority figure I trusted to guide me in Islam’s path—and you may come to understand how the experience made me such an emotional wreck. Someone better adjusted than I was might have been able to leave Islam with only mild regrets, pausing just long enough to curse the faith before moving on. Vulnerable as I was to begin with, Islam proved a soul-destroying experience—if the atheist I now am may use soul to denote my personality, deepest thoughts, and emotions. Indeed, I am far from certain Islam is finished with me. I do not know when its emotional effects will end.

If my Muslim journey did not destroy me, it came close.

Looking back, I suspect that one of Islam’s greatest attractions lay in how well it complemented my personality at the time. I was very shy. Islam values modesty, especially in women. I thought I was worthless. Islam teaches that humans are nothing before the majesty and power of Allah. I feared other people and new experiences. Islam counsels women to stay safe and protected inside the home. For these reasons, Islam was almost certainly the worst religion I could have chosen—it reinforced the weakest aspects of my personality. Indeed it sacralized them, telling me that my flaws were just what the Almighty Creator of the Universe most cherished in me. Instead of encouraging me to attack my weaknesses, it bid me to be proud of them.
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http://www.secularhumanism.org/index.php?section=library&page=bauer_30_2

TAGGED: ABUSE, COMMENTARY, RELIGION