By INYOURFACENEWYORKER
Added: Mon, 28 Feb 2011 02:30:52 UTC

This morning I learned that last week a girl who was on my 1997 summer trip to Israel with me died. Apparently, she was trying to take a picture of a waterfall in a national park but standing too close to the edge of a cliff. She slipped and fell over 100 feet to her death.

When I first heard this story, my first thought was, "That sucks." And then I figured I would forget about it later. But I couldn't. What happened began to sink in. Sure I only saw her once since the trip-- in 2007 when she was passing through NYC-- but it's still quite shocking. I even cried when I remembered once on the trip to Israel (maybe more) she listened to me as I cried in frustration about the social problems (undiagnosed Asperger's) I was having and she gave me advice. Years later, I'm sure she didn't remember it, but I sure do.

It's times like this when her parents are probably saying, "If only she hadn't gone on that trip." Or perhaps her friends said, "Don't stand too close to the edge of the cliff." Maybe she said, "I'll be fine. I'm not that close," and she slipped and fell anyway. "If only..." is often the first thing people drive themselves crazy with when somebody dies in an accident.

And then we drive ourselves crazy with ironies. A friend of mine from that same Israel trip has a genetic problem that destroyed his kidneys. He was told he would have a few years to live if he didn't get a kidney transplant. But he did get a kidney transplant last year and is doing fine. Meanwhile, someone who was in good health had an accident. I suppose the consolation I feel on that is that she probably died instantly.

The other thing people are quick to do is say, "My prayers are with you" or claim to have seen her ghost. Maybe even ask why God would allow this to happen (the idea of an indifferent universe not having crossed their minds).

Although the grief that I feel can't compare even remotely to what her close family and friends feel, it is still very real. And I will say that I did feel a little better after remembering Richard's, "We're going to die and that makes us the lucky ones..." quote. The fact that one paragraph can be so beautiful, so profound, and can even be consoling while still implying acceptance of the facts of death is just remarkable.

Julie

TAGGED: PHILOSOPHY