1. Award-winning comedian George Carlin dies

Comment #203469 by Mysturji on July 3, 2008 at 1:44 am

Oh, shitpissfuckcuntcocksuckermotherfuckerandTITS!
What a bummer! I was on holiday and incommunicado, so I just found out.
I bought his album "Occupation Foole" at a time when I had to save up for stuff like that, and I never regretted the expense.
He will be sadly missed.

2. Muslim countries win concession regarding religious debates

Comment #203467 by Mysturji on July 3, 2008 at 1:37 am

Oi!
UN Human Rights Council!
Fuck off!

3. Muslims outraged at police advert featuring cute puppy sitting in policeman's hat

Comment #203464 by Mysturji on July 3, 2008 at 1:30 am

Awwww! Poor widdle muzwimz! Did da big bad puppy dog offend u? Diddumz. Nevah mind. Awwah will punish da baaaad powicemenz, den u can sue dem.

4. Regime change in heaven

Comment #191220 by Mysturji on June 10, 2008 at 12:06 pm

Very noodly news. I hope the new incumbent is finally going to install the stripper factory and beer volcano.

5. It's Make Believe!

Comment #145235 by Mysturji on March 17, 2008 at 11:44 am

"We're sorry, this viseo is no longer available."
:o(

6. Atheists' sign sparks controversy

Comment #96231 by Mysturji on December 10, 2007 at 7:54 am

Awwww, diddums! Are the nasty atheists asking you to use your brain? Poor, thing. Yes, I know it hurts. Just close your eyes and stick your fingers in your ears until it goes away again.

"The sign, put up by the Connecticut Valley Atheist Group, which was supposed to mark the winter solstice, but the "Imagine No Religion" part of it, taken from John Lennon's song, "Imagine," has a lot of people upset."

I'll bet. Almost as many people are upset by that sign as were upset by 9/11
Get over it

7. Nurses Told to Turn Muslims' Beds to Mecca

Comment #94223 by Mysturji on December 5, 2007 at 3:43 am

I'm convinced that this whole "face East while you bow and pray" business is just so that they can all give the West a collective moon 5 times a day.
In response, I suggest that airline pilots activate the "jobbie weetcha" whenever they fly over Mecca.

8. Highway to hysteria

Comment #94211 by Mysturji on December 5, 2007 at 3:10 am

Mine eyes have seen fuckwittery
That truly knows no bounds!
On Interstate I-35
The cars drive up and down
While the faith-heads and the Jeebuz-freaks,
Their eyes spin round and round,
Alllllll o-ver town!
(All together now!)
Heee-bee Jeebee holey Jeeeeee-buz!
Weee were mad but then he heeeeeel'd us!
Weee don't need our meds belieeeeeeve us!
Our faith will keep us sane!

9. Ask The God Delusion author Richard Dawkins

Comment #94191 by Mysturji on December 5, 2007 at 1:44 am

Wikipedia wrote: "Although not officially available in the UK it is available to people who point their satellite dishes at Astra 1, Hot Bird and Thor. In most of the world, it is carried on nearly all satellite and cable platforms."

I'm sorry Auntie Beeb, but that's just not good enough! I pay my license fee to help pay for this channel, and I'm not allowed to watch it, while freeloading Johnny Foreigners all over the world can tune in for nothing?

I shall be writing a strongly worded letter to The Times!

10. Turkey probes atheist's 'God' book

Comment #93764 by Mysturji on December 4, 2007 at 7:05 am

Oh, well. So much for Richard's Turkish book-signing tour. :o(
Never mind, Professor. I'm sure Salman Rushdie would be happy to put you up for a few days... err, years.
No doubt Terry "Small Gods" Pratchett and Philip "Dark Materials" Pullman will be joining you both shortly.

11. Malaysia firm's 'Muslim car' plan

Comment #89526 by Mysturji on November 21, 2007 at 2:15 am

Standard accessories include wraparound blackout curtains for female drivers, and an extra large bomb-err-no-I-mean glove compartment.

Next year, Hyundai plan to come out with the Buddha-mobile, featuring extra-wide seats and extra long seatbelts.

12. For the glory of God

Comment #89522 by Mysturji on November 21, 2007 at 2:00 am

'A Star of David would have been quite impressive, but probability alone can explain crosses.'

A star of David would have been no more impressive than say, a bun in the shape of Mother Theresa's face, or a watermelon which when sliced in half, revealed the word "Allah" in Arabic, written in seeds.
Superstitious people will see what they want to see, and convince themselves it's a 'sign' or a 'miracle'

13. That's not MY God or Religion you're criticising

Comment #83191 by Mysturji on October 29, 2007 at 8:14 am

Your god is no different from any of the millions of others invented by people over the millenia

14. Science can answer how questions but only religion can answer why questions

Comment #83190 by Mysturji on October 29, 2007 at 8:10 am

Question: Why does the sun rise every morning?
Religious answer: Because Amon-Ra drives his golden chariot across the sky each day.
Scientific answer: Because the earth rotates on its axis as it orbits the sun.

Q: Why do things fall to earth?
RA: Because FSM uses his myriad Noodly Appendages to press down on all things.
SA: Because the earth is massive, and its mass warps the fabric of spacetime, causing the paths of other nearby objects to be bent towards it.

Q: Why do volcanoes erupt?
RA: Because the volcano god is angry and wants more virgins.
SA: Because shifting tectonic plates and flowing magma results in occasional localised increases in pressure, which may then be released through fractures in the earth's crust.

15. Atheists don't believe in anything

Comment #83182 by Mysturji on October 29, 2007 at 7:56 am

"If you don't believe in God, you must not believe in anything."

...And...?
What exactly is the problem with that?
I believe in nothing.
I do however, hold opinions about many things, because - in my opinion - it is very difficult to function in this world if I don't.
For instance, in my opinion, gravity exists, and works as described. I hold this opinion because - in my opinion - the evidence supports it.

16. 'Flying Spaghetti Monster' Religious Group Turning Heads at MSU

Comment #77017 by Mysturji on October 8, 2007 at 7:32 am

As a Genuine and Authorised Pope of the POEE, I must say that on the whole, this can only be a good thing...
Especially with Bolognaise sauce.

17. Talking Action Figure Jesus

Comment #74301 by Mysturji on September 28, 2007 at 4:34 am

(TV ad voiceover):
"Recommended retail price $29.99. 12 apostles and 5,000 'Hungry Multitude' followers free with every doll. Pogo-stick sold seperately."

18. The Saudi connection that belittles Britain

Comment #73754 by Mysturji on September 26, 2007 at 4:36 am

"More cheeringly, moderate British Muslims are soon to lead an overdue attack on Saudi influence as the result of a long inquiry they have conducted. They are finding the courage to do what the Attorney General, high court, West Midlands police and Crown Prosecution Service won't do and stand up for the best values of their country."
I have been waiting far too long for the overdue attack of which Mr. Cohen speaks. But it is not only the Attorney General, high court, West Midlands police and Crown Prosecution Service who lack courage: Look at the byline and the source of this article.
The Observer should be ashamed!
Bravo, Guardian!

19. There Go The Dinosaurs

Comment #73749 by Mysturji on September 26, 2007 at 4:14 am

I can't see the pictures!:o(
Show me the comix!

20. Polygamist Leader Convicted in Utah

Comment #73748 by Mysturji on September 26, 2007 at 4:07 am

I'l bet this guy is in favour of the seperation of church and state: The state is interfering with his god-given right to rape children.

21. A Response to Jonathan Haidt

Comment #70084 by Mysturji on September 14, 2007 at 3:06 am

"When is a belief system not only false, but so encouraging of falsity and needless suffering as to be worthy, not merely of our understanding, but of our contempt?"

BIFF!
BAM!
BOFFO!

Holy rational question based on atheistic morality, Batman!

22. The Rise of Atheist America

Comment #69240 by Mysturji on September 10, 2007 at 6:16 am

"...Somehow, atheism ... is now becoming hip, sophisticated, enlightened, even a badge of honor."
??? Gee, he says that like it's a BAD thing.

23. Orthodox Call on Sinners To Give Chickens a Fairer Shake

Comment #67910 by Mysturji on September 5, 2007 at 5:53 am

All together now....

Waaaaave aaaaaaaaaaa chicken in the air
Stick a deckchair up your nose
Paint your left knee green
And then bury all your clothes
Buy a jumbo jet
Then extract your wisdom teeth
Form a string quartet
And pretend your name is Keith

24. The Flea Circus moves to your iPod!

Comment #67653 by Mysturji on September 4, 2007 at 6:51 am

"This audio tutor (designed for owners of the iPod and similar MP3 players) ..."

Well, religion was originally designed to be consumed by the illiterate masses, so I guess they're just pandering to their core demographic.
I mean, why bother learning to read when the wonders of modern technology can let someone tell you what to think?

25. Anger over 'blasphemous' balls

Comment #66130 by Mysturji on August 29, 2007 at 1:40 am

What a load of bollocks!

26. Peanut Butter, The Atheist's Nightmare!

Comment #62563 by Mysturji on August 10, 2007 at 6:09 am

Chuck Missler
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Charles "Chuck" Missler is an author, conservative Bible teacher, and founder of the Koinonia House ministry based out of Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Missler is a former businessman who is now a minister and biblical fundamentalist.

Biography
Missler was born and raised in Southern California. He graduated from the United States Naval Academy and following graduation spent time in the United States Air Force completing flight training and becoming Branch Chief of the Department of Guided Missiles.

Now THAT'S scary!

27. Surviving 'Jesus Camp'

Comment #62112 by Mysturji on August 8, 2007 at 8:02 am

Meerkat (post 27) wrote:
"I just think some compassion and sensitivity would be in order. Especially for anyone in the audience who is still an evangelical. As a former evangelical, I felt bad hearing the laughter. I can only imagine how my mother, my aunt, and other of my family members would feel."

Ridicule is the only appropriate response to the ridiculous.
Our right to free speech outweighs your right to not be offended.
What about those kids' right not to be subjected to psychological abuse?

28. God-Fearing People: Why are we so scared of offending Muslims?

Comment #62097 by Mysturji on August 8, 2007 at 6:39 am

I have been atheist since my early teens (following a Catholic upbringing)
I had always been a moderate (All things in moderation... including excess! Let your hair down every once in a while: it's good for you)
As a hippy, I formed strong opinions about everyones right to their own opinions, and was always in favour of tolerance, regardless of race, religion, age, disability or gender.
In the wake of the Danish Cartoons fiasco, I wrote an essay (an open letter to Muslims) explaining the Western attitudes that led to the publication of the cartoons, and the reasons for our reaction to THEIR reaction to it, calling for peace, dialogue and hopefully understanding (or at least tolerance).
Events since then have eroded that stance completely and irrefutably.
While I still stand in favour of tolerance, regardless of race, age, disability or gender, but religion is now permanently off the table. I am no longer tolerant of intolerance.
So, the answer to the question "Why are we so scared of offending Muslims?" is:

Because they're all a bunch of crazy-ass b@sards!

29. Richard Dawkins Replies to David Sloan Wilson

Comment #62082 by Mysturji on August 8, 2007 at 5:40 am

gcdavis wrote (post 19):
"Perhaps we need a ridicule offensive not an intellectual one."

Absolutely! Ridicule is the most appropriate way to deal with the ridiculous.

See http://www.jesusandmo.net/

30. An Atheist Responds

Comment #62071 by Mysturji on August 8, 2007 at 5:15 am

"...name one ethical statement made, or one ethical action performed, by a believer that could not have been uttered or done by a nonbeliever."

Simple:
"Give me six lines written by the most honorable of men, and I will find an excuse in them to hang him." - Cardinal Richelieu (1585-1642) French statesman and religious [Armand-Jean du Plessis]
(No-one said that the ethics had to be good)

Now, just for fun, let's take six lines by some randomly chosen famous person:

"Our Father
Who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
On Earth as it is in heaven"

And we all know what happened to him, don't we?