How American fundamentalist schools are using Nessie to disprove evolution


It sounds like a plot dreamed up by the creators of Southpark, but it’s all true: schoolchildren in Louisiana are to be taught that the Loch Ness monster is real in a bid by religious educators to disprove Darwin’s theory of evolution.

Thousands of children in the southern state will receive publicly-funded vouchers for the next school year to attend private schools where Scotland’s most famous mythological beast will be taught as a real living creature.

These private schools follow a fundamentalist curriculum including the Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) programme to teach controversial religious beliefs aimed at disproving evolution and proving creationism.


Written By: Rachel Loxton
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  1. ” Have you heard of the ‘Loch Ness Monster’ in Scotland? ‘Nessie’ for
    short has been recorded on sonar from a small submarine, described by
    eyewitnesses, and photographed by others. Nessie appears to be a


    Are these people deliberately promulgating this nonsense with a straight face? Truly unbelievable what lengths these people will go to in propping up their favorite delusions. Is Big Foot far behind?

  2. The article shows the ‘Surgeon’s photograph’ a well documented fake.

    Nessie is worth an estimated 25 million in tourism.  Like all myths, gods and miracles its a money spinner.


    What is this I don’t even

    It is religion at its peak. it is religion at its most natural state, it is religion showing the world the integrity of its morality, when all is said and boasted about, religion needs fakery and myth to prop up its own delusion…they need rumour and fairy story, they have to have their belief supported by complete cobblers…it is the only help they have in the world…they run to the hysterical, the charlatan, the scammers,  the conmen, the ignorant and the foolish, they yearn for the shadows of intellect and hide behind the settee when reality scares them.

    Like cockroaches or young children or just fucking brain dead cretins.

    These people should be named and shamed…simple like so!

  4. What about the specifically Scottish creature that shows the working of evolution, the wild haggis!

    Everyone knows that when the lowland haggis population spread north to the highlands it evolved legs shorter on one side of its body which aided it in running around hillsides and hence out pacing its only natural predator, the wolf.

    Two sub species evolved, one with shorter legs on the right side of it’s body and the other with the shorter legs on the left side.

    For obvious reasons the two sub species could not inter-breed.

  5. Mad, bad, stupid, cruel, selfish, deluded idiots; not wishing to put too fine a point on it.

    My advice, grow up, and read a few proper books that aren’t based on fairy tales.

    My patience is running thin, and I perceive how RD must view these matters/people.

  6. During the 1970’s when I was still at school I remember a documentary that was broadcast by BBC called Fabulous Animals presented by Richard Attenborough. I recall one episode Mermaids and Other Marvels of the Sea had a segment about the Loch Ness Monster which convinced me that it must be true. Mind you I was only 9 years old at the time.
    The Surgeon’s Photograph taken in 1934 and showing the famous head and neck was held by many as positive proof for nearly 60 years until it turned out to be a toy submarine made by Christian Spurling.
    Even the Tim Dinsdale film shot in 1960 and longtime held as positive evidence of proof as a monster living in Loch Ness as now been analyzed with digital equipment, which as shown that the object filmed as been identified as a small boat which couldn’t be seen when the film was first shot.
    So with all the best evidence for the existence of a unknown animal living in Loch Ness as been shown to be either a hoax or a boat filmed at a distance and under bad light conditions.
    And no physical or scientific evidence as proof, then all the eyewitness accounts must be discounted also.
    Doesn’t really help the creationist’s cause does it.

  7. A couple of years ago a UK syllabus said the same thing, & the current government said the exam was valid because the syllabus was big enough to make learning for the exam as hard as with anything else categorised as being at that level (GCSE, I think). You could probably use that argument to justify a degree in Pokémon, given how many facts & figures are in it. Anyway, I wonder whether these Americans came up with the idea independently or copied it from us.

  8. Nessie? FFS. These people are nuts. I pass by Loch Ness regularly – the whoel NEssie thing is just a myth, and the tourists love it. There was research done a few years ago which showed very convincingly that such a creature almost certainly doesnt exist… 

    The famous water speed racer, John Cobb was killed on loch Ness. A theory went round at the time that his boat had hit Nessie, or Nessie’s wake.… 

    There is however an ancient religious reference to the Loch Ness Monster – St Columba, on his way to convert the Pictish King in Inverness was involved in this tale (from wikipedia)

    ” According to Adomnán, Columba came across a group of Picts burying a man who had been killed by the monster. Columba then saves a swimmer from the monster with the sign of the Cross and the imprecation, “Thou shalt go no further, nor touch the man; go back with all speed.” The beast flees, terrified, to the amazement of the assembled Picts who glorified Columba’s God. Whether or not this incident is true, Adomnan’s text specifically states that the monster was swimming in the River Ness – the river flowing from the loch – rather than in Loch Ness itself”

    Finally, there is supposed to be a monster in Loch Morar in the West Highlands, called “Morag”    Thats near to where “Local Hero” was filmed BTW….… 

    Its good stuff, all this….


  9. “The reason for that is they’re saying if Noah’s flood only happened 4000 years ago, which they believe literally happened, then possibly a sea monster survived.”Surely a lot of sea creatures would have survived a flood?? Shouldn’t the sea be full of aquatic dinosaurs?

  10. I keep asking this but…why are oxymoronic faith schools even allowed to exist?
    Does even the word “school” have to lose all meaning for the sake of pandering to religion?

  11. They don’t just believe in the Loch Ness Monster.

    These people also believe that there’s an invisible man who lives in the sky…

  12.   One tenet has it that if it can be proved that dinosaurs walked the

    earth at the same time as man then Darwinism is fatally flawed.

    One ACE textbook – Biology 1099, Accelerated Christian Education Inc –
    reads: “Are dinosaurs alive today? Scientists are becoming more
    convinced of their existence.

    Of course scientists believe dinosaurs alive today!  Have these bird-brains not heard of birds, (otherwise known as avian-dinosaurs)?

    Have you heard of the ‘Loch Ness Monster’
    in Scotland? ‘Nessie’ for short has been recorded on sonar from a small
    submarine, described by eyewitnesses, and photographed by others. Nessie
    appears to be a plesiosaur.”

    This meets the requirements of “gapology”!  “Look, – the (alleged) evidence is out of sight at the bottom of a deep loch on another continent and we have some stories about it – so believe what we tell you”!  I suppose for those who believe in sky-fairies the ignorance & mental incredulity should be no problem.

  13. Resorting to the Chewbacca defense, I see… 

    “Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; That does not make sense!

    There are prehistoric animals alive today, and we have reliable tesimonial evidence of it. How is it possible? Nothing makes make any sense! Therefore Evolution is wrong.”

    Points and laughs.

  14. One ACE textbook – Biology 1099, Accelerated Christian Education Inc – reads: “Are dinosaurs alive today?”


    (Wouldn’t they be shocked to know birds today are descendants of dinosaurs, suborder Theropoda) 

  15. This is the tabloid headline style of teaching:

     “Are dinosaurs alive today?” 

    “Did Hitler survive the war?”

    “Are we all descended from aliens?”

    “Have scientists found the secret elixir of youth?”

    The answer is always the same. 

  16. Jonny, 27 went through the program. How long has this been going on? 13 states? Let’s guess, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, Louisiana, Tennessee…….

    …and let’s not forget the KKK, a positive force for social change…..

  17. Loch Ness, last week. Now, if you look really really close…

    Oh, and Molly, the ships dog, hiding from the Monster in a bit of a squall.

  18. And of course: “Has the lost site of Atlantis finally been discovered?”

    The answer is always the same.

  19. “One tenet has it that if it can be proved that dinosaurs walked the
    earth at the same time as man then Darwinism is fatally flawed.”

    Which dinosaurs? Crocs, gators, birds all still walk the land with all humans and not just man.

    How do they hope to prove something without evidence? All evidence points away from creationism. Seriously, this is a crime against humanity. Severe mockery is needed for all parents of attending students as well as the faculty.

  20. Who was it that said that Darwinism would be fatally flawed if we find rabbit fossils in the pre-Cambrian. 🙂

  21. Ah, but we only found that out when the Scottish wolf was hunted to extinction! Now, we tend to breed them in large numbers in order to supply people like MacSween of Edinburgh with “god’s little (tasty) creatures!”

  22. QUOTE “The Nessie claim was presented as “evidence that evolution couldn’t have happened. The reason for that is they’re saying if Noah’s flood only happened 4000 years ago, which they believe literally happened, then possibly a sea monster survived.” UN QUOTE
    Yes, so many more WOULD have survived had they existed just 4000 years ago. That the fossil record tells us over 65 million years ago confirms their absence and the antiquity of the Earth. But hold the phone…I held evidence in my very hand not yesterday of a recently deceased, living breathing dinosaur and it wouldn’t have made one paleontologist break a sweat. I’ll give you a hint…It was my dinner, it was fried and it was finger licking gooood.

  23. The conclusion we can draw from this, is that a person who is willing to believe in god, is a person who is willing to believe ANYTHING

  24. The Noah’s ark story is clearly one of the silliest pieces of Holey Babble mythology ;that
    a playright observer should script what these idiots are up to for a theatre performance

  25. Will anybody/everybody please help me start a rumour that haggis are the eggs of Nessie.

  26. Dear creationist friend,

    Well, you know, maybe evolution never happened, maybe all scientists are
    mistaken (that wouldn’t be the first time), maybe plesiosaurs happily live in Scottland of all places and maybe we were all created in 6 days by something you can’t quite explain. Brilliant! Maybe you’re fucking right!

     So go to the Loch Ness, find the monster and get a Nobel prize for disproving evolution.

    You’re very much welcome.

  27. Nessie doesn’t JUST live in Loch Ness. Whever an ice age is about to start that would almost certainly kill any living thing in the lake, a huge mother ship from Zeta Reticuli has the task of transporting all the plesiosaurs in the lake to the Intergalactic Zoo for safekeeping. There you go…..never let it be said you don’t learn new science here.

  28. I thought this story had to be from the Onion; it’s too stupid to be true, even for the Bible Belt.  Seems I was wrong.  It gets more embarrassing to be an American every day.  If I move twenty miles north I could be a Canadian citizen.  I’m looking into it.

    Also, what do these schools use for study guides?  The National Enquirer?  What’s next –   “Two-headed Baby’s Father Was an Angel” proves that Mary’s story about Jesus’ paternity was true?

    It isn’t just America where the bizarre Christian Nessie myth is
    being taught as a reality. The UK has similar religious schools but they
    do not receive cash from the state. Nevertheless, the Evangelical
    Christian curriculum they follow has been approved by UK Government
    agency, the National Recognition Information Centre (Naric) which guides
    universities and employers on the validity of different qualifications.

    Naric judged the International Certificate of Christian Education
    (ICCE) as officially comparable to qualifications offered by the
    Cambridge International exam board.

    Naric clearly needs to get its finger out, and carry out a proper scientific evaluation of curriculum content.

    In the mean time we need to make sure that employers and universities, know what these certificates mean in terms of “educational” standards.

  30. Actually, all you cynics, there are monsters alongside Loch Ness, – millions of them! They are called the Highland Midge, and right brutish they are too! If you get bitten by one and squash it, a thousand more turn up for the funeral! A form of mosquito I believe.

    Why make things up when nature is already amazing enough!

  31. “Actually, all you cynics, there are monsters alongside Loch Ness, – millions of them! They are called the Highland Midge, and right brutish they are too!”

    I suspect midge saliva contains special transferrable DNA that made humans want to create the West Highland Way and supply the midges with free lunch for evermore. They now have an entire herd of willing prey called Munro baggers…….to supplement their dwindling Nessie tourist diet.


    Here in TN, they have taken steps though new legislation to
    allow creationism back into the classroom.  This law turns the clock back
    nearly 100 years here in the seemingly unprogressive South and is simply
    embarrassing. There is no argument against the Theory of Evolution other than
    that of religious doctrine. The Monkey Law only opens the door for fanatic
    Christianity to creep its way back into our classrooms. You can see my visual
    response as a Tennessean to this absurd law on my artist’s blog at
    with some evolutionary art and a little bit of simple logic.

  33.  “And Jesus and the disciples walked toward Nazareth, but the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus… with a splinter in his paw. And o the disciples did run shrieking ‘What a big fucking lizard, Lord!’ but Jesus was unafraid, and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus’ paw, and the big lizard became his friend…

    And Jesus sent him to Scotland, where he lived in a loch for oh so many years, inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat fucking families and their fat dollar bills and oh Scotland did praise the Lord!”

    -Bill Hicks, “Dinosaurs in the Bible” (there’s a pretty good 3d animated version on youtube).

    I guess it is only a matter of time before the actual stupidity, which is always getting dumber and crazier, catches up to any parody of it!

  34. This makes me intensely happy.

    We won! Our work here is done, but let’s hang in to collect our comeuppance.

  35. Does anyone else get creeped out by the Noah’s ark story? I know people
    go “awww” at the part where God made Noah save the animals, BUT then he went on to kill off most of the humans. Scary God.

    By the way, I just heard from a creationist about his reaction to this piece of news. You might have guessed this from the beginning: They don’t need no Loch Ness Monster for them to believe in a creator.

  36.  yes, they went some way to ruining my camper van trip round the west coast last summer…..!

  37. this is surely so utterly ridiculous as to be encouraged as a foot-shooting opportunity?

  38. The story of Atlantis is pretty interesting. It is one of the first crackpot theories to go viral back when the telegraph was state of the art. It’s described in detail in Charlie Pierce’s great book Idiot America. That book is very relevant to this topic. Pierce documents the history of American crackpots from Atlantis to Creatinism and the Terry schiavo case. He shows how crazy ideas can now be taken seriously due to the Internet and other reasons. It’s a great book, eye opening yet also very funny.


    And of course: “Has the lost site of Atlantis finally been discovered?”

    The answer is always the same.

    Don’t worry!  When some of the sub-aqua archaeology records sites where – rising waters inundated them at the end of the last ice-age, the prehistoric settlements on sinking land slipped below the Eastern Med, or those wiped out by the Thera/Santorini explosion and tsunami,  they will find some new ones on the same old theme!

  40. Not only the Loch Ness monster is an irrefutable proof that the theory of Darwinian evolution is false, but also the monsters that acted in Spielberg’s Jurassic Park film are indisputable evidence that these creatures are still here sharing the planet with us humans, as it occurred 65 million years ago. I’ve been converted to Creationism by the enlightened minds of the Louisiana educational authorities. Hallelujah I’m reborn again!!

  41. [email protected]:disqus

    In a classroom setting,
    Christian theories are not an academic stance and cannot be given any more
    significance than the belief the world is flat.

    There are NO Christian scientific theories about evolution of life.  There are only fairy-tales which are described in the unscientific vernacular as “theories” by people ignorant of sciennce.

    To be a scientific theory, a theory
    must be tested a large number of times, by many different scientists in
    many different places, and must pass the test every time. –
    Here is a list of some of the major theories of modern science. These
    theories have been tested thousands of times, and no exception has been

    The atomic theory of matter: all matter is made up of atoms.The law of conservation of mass and energy: in chemical and physical
    reactions, mass and energy stay the same, in atomic reactions, mass is
    changed to energy or energy to mass according to the formula E = mc2.The cell theory of living things: all living things are made up of cells.The theory of evolution: all life on earth evolved from simple forms.The tectonic theory of geology: the surface of the earth is composed of tectonic plates, which move slowly.The galactic theory of astronomy: planets orbit stars, stars cluster in galaxies.The periodic table of elements: atoms are distinguished by their
    atomic number and atomic weight, and can be arranged in a table which
    illustrates their properties.The theory of relativity: scientific laws hold in different frames of reference.Quantum theory: the smallest amount of energy is a “quantum unit”, and all energy comes in multiples of this amount.

    @link – Evolution is a theory based on
    scientific fact and human knowledge of biology and life, which can neither be
    proved nor disproved.

    This is a rather strange claim:- the theory of evolution cannot be disproved, and the evolution of individual species, can be proved and demonstrated.

    Creationism is a theory based on
    religious texts written by men who claim to have spoken with an invisible man
    in the sky, which can neither be proved nor disproved.
    I ask you- which is closer to reality?

    Creationism is not a “scientific theory” at all!  Most of its claims can easily be disproved and none of them can be proved.

  42. Crap, my insurance doesn’t cover dinosaurs. This makes me so sad. It is sick. And since everyone has already covered the obvious issues here, I’ll just say as a kid I LOVED dinosaurs. I didnt want to talk about anything else, read about anything else or think about anything else. If someone in a position of authority had told me they were real and I later found out they lied, I would have been absolutely devastated. And questioned everything they had told me. Perhaps they have just created a generation of atheists. I certainly hope so these children deserve so much better.

  43. Thank you for that. I thought my occasional googling was keeping me up to date but it obviously wasnt if the fact that alligators previously had feathers got past me. I definately need to renew my Nat Geo subscription its been far too long. I guess it’s important to remember that their evolution into their present forms is no less amazing than the beautiful (and massive) fossils that grace our museums.


    Thank you for that. I thought my occasional googling was keeping me up
    to date but it obviously wasnt if the fact that alligators previously
    had feathers got past me.

    Actually Crocodillians do not have feathers except when they catch avian dinosaurs (ducks) to eat.  Many Theropods certainly did have feathers.  Plesiosaurs did not, but with a fictitious Nessie any imaginative artist’s impression would do!  Science is too complex for YECs to grasp!

  45.  No it isn’t!  It’s proof that some congressmen have been let out without minders!

  46. This was in the article you recommended

    There’s an even more astonishing possibility. The closest living relatives of birds, dinosaurs, and pterosaurs are crocodilians. Although these scaly beasts obviously do not have feathers today, the discovery of the same gene in alligators that is involved in building feathers in birds suggests that perhaps their ancestors did, 250 million years ago, before the lineages diverged. So perhaps the question to ask, say some scientists, is not how birds got their feathers, but how alligators lost theirs.

    Has the ‘perhaps’ turned into a ‘no’ ?

  47.  Yes there were many dinosaurs with feathers for millions of years, and only one group led to birds.

    So perhaps the question to ask, say some scientists, is not how birds got their feathers, but how alligators lost theirs.

    It looks speculative. There were plenty of dinosaurs without feathers. It’s a fair bet that in an aquatic lifestyle, feathers (especially primitive ones) would be a liability.  Even sea-birds with well developed evolved water-proofing, become waterlogged if they cannot dry off, or if they lose their oily coating.

  48. Youre right. Voluptuous curvy women like Raquel Welch already coexisted with dinosaurs 1 million years BC. Another factor to take into account by the Louisiana Education Authority: today’s women look exactly the same as 1 million years ago.

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