63 COMMENTS

  1. It would be hard to beat Richard Dawkins:

    The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.

    • In reply to #4 by David W:

      It would be hard to beat Richard Dawkins:

      The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocid…

      Resembles a quote from ‘King Lear’ if I remember correctly.

    • In reply to #4 by David W:

      It would be hard to beat Richard Dawkins:

      The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocid…

      And those are His good points…

  2. Ye gods. Why don’t you give the poor sods a break. I won’t be blaspheming on 30 September.

    One god creates the universe in the wrong order as a joke, but you are not laughing. He acts as an estate agent, but you call him a blood-thirsty crook. He stops the sun and the moon in mid-heaven, drowns the earth, dries the sea, and still you are not impressed. He gives you dominion over the earth, but you pollute it with your 4x4s and carry on fracking to quench their thirst. He puts you in charge of every creature and every blade of grass on earth, but you want more. Oy Veigh.

    Another one (or three) has a one-night stand with a virgin, gives you his son to wipe away your sins, and lets you eat his flesh and drink his blood on Sundays, but you are not satisfied. He turns water to Pinot noir, but you demand Chardonnay. He goes to a lot of bother to raise the dead plus thousands of other miracles, but you demand proof. Is it any wonder that he committed suicide on a cross?

    When another god goes teetotal, you throw six-packs at him. When he tells you to cover yourselves in a tent, you wear bikinis, and when he promises men seventy maidens each in paradise, they want them here on earth. Give him a break.

    Other gods look after women in labour, men tilling the fields, and children in crèches, but you deny they ever existed. If I were them I wouldn’t have created you to slaughter the sharks for their fins, the cod for your chips, and the horses for your beefburgers. Crikey.

  3. To find out who is the one “true” God, let’s set up a boxing competition. No doubt Jesus and Allah will make it through to the final, having knocked out the odd Krishna, John Frum and Zeus. But hold on ! No-one is allowed to see Allah ! Should He be disqualified for having an unfair advantage, or should natural selection take its natural course ? Will Jesus levitate out of the way of the angry Allah’s punches, or will He take them on the other cheek ?

    But what’s this ? A commotion at the back of the hall, where a real fight has broken out among differing theologians !

    • In reply to #14 by Mr DArcy:

      To find out who is the one “true” God, let’s set up a boxing competition. No doubt Jesus and Allah will make it through to the final, having knocked out the odd Krishna, John Frum and Zeus. But hold on ! No-one is allowed to see Allah ! Should He be disqualified for having an unfair advantage, or…

      Maybe not a boxing match, but a professional wrestling match. Aren’t some professional wrestlers masked? Allah could fight as “the Masked Prophet”.

      • In reply to #49 by robbower:

        In reply to #14 by Mr DArcy:

        Maybe not a boxing match, but a professional wrestling match. Aren’t some professional wrestlers masked? Allah could fight as “the Masked Prophet”.

        Would it have to be a triple tag match as god is supposed to be three people, even if one of them is a sort of vague ghost nobody can really explain.

      • In reply to #49 by robbower:

        In reply to #14 by Mr DArcy:

        To find out who is the one “true” God, let’s set up a boxing competition. No doubt Jesus and Allah will make it through to the final, having knocked out the odd Krishna, John Frum and Zeus. But hold on ! No-one is allowed to see Allah ! Should He be disqualified for h…

        Actually there is a test to prove the existence of god. 1 Kings, Chapter 18

        It involves a pray-off between the Baalians and Yahweh over who can set fire to a bonfire with a cow on it.

        You may wanna try this test with the next xtian you debate and remind him that it is fully endorsed by the bible. Don’t forget to soak the bonfire in water first, just to prove that god can do anything.

  4. Let’s look at God’s handiwork – causing plagues, smiting millions, damning sinners into Hell, demanding worship, nit picking over our fabric choices…With such a big ego, God must have a small penis.

    • In reply to #17 by QuestioningKat:

      Let’s look at God’s handiwork – causing plagues, smiting millions, damning sinners into Hell, demanding worship, nit picking over our fabric choices…With such a big ego, God must have a small penis.

      Well, how else could he impregnate a woman who could pass a visual virginity test unless he had a needle dick.

    • In reply to #17 by QuestioningKat:

      Let’s look at God’s handiwork – causing plagues, smiting millions, damning sinners into Hell, demanding worship, nit picking over our fabric choices…With such a big ego, God must have a small penis.

      Is god circumcised I wonder?

  5. Towards the end of the first day of the second coming Jesus walks into a hotel, looks at the receptionist, throws some nails on the counter and says: “Can you put me up for the night.”

  6. “If faith is a valid means of knowledge, then all faith-based ideas are correct, including those of the Islamic terrorists.”

    My favorite, however, is: “Religious faith is an epistemological failure, a cognitive disorder, and, therefore, a moral vice.”

    BTW, I’ve used these many times.

    I’ve not tested this yet, so I don’t know how it would go down.

    The idea is to ask the pious how many babies and little kids were saved on the ark–saved from the world’s worst genocide.

      • In reply to #38 by Alan4discussion:

        In reply to #30 by Ornicar:

        Jesus rode an ass.

        I suppose it makes a change from the creation museum, where an ass rides a (fake) dinosaur!

        My favorite originated with Bart Ehrman. It’s described on RationalWiki as Jesus Christ: Messiah or Rodeo Clown?

        The apparent theft of a colt for Jesus is an unrelated problem, as the main issue here is that Matthew appears to be describing Jesus straddling two donkeys as he rode in to town. The issue with Matthew’s account is more obvious in the original Greek, or the King James Version – the latter describing the event as “Tell ye the daughter of Sion, Behold, thy King cometh unto thee, meek, and sitting upon an ass, and a colt the foal of an ass.” Ehrman ascribes this to Matthew using Mark as his source, but not understanding a literary device employed by Mark in which writers would repeat the previous line but slightly reworded. Whereas Mark is accepted as describing Jesus riding a single beast, Matthew interpreted Mark’s repetition as describing two separate beasts – hence his portrayal of Jesus as being some kind of circus performer.

        From Rational Wiki: Jesus Christ: Messiah or Rodeo Clown?
        Note: scroll down the page for the quoted text.

  7. Fuck me, not again? We did this last year! In Scotland we thought this was a load of shite! I suppose we all follow our own god of sorts. In Aberdeen for some of us it is gin. Hey, it’s where the spirit leads us!

    • In reply to #45 by Helena Torry:

      I suppose we all follow our own god of sorts. In Aberdeen for some of us it is gin. Hey, it’s where the spirit leads us!

      Blasphemy! Gin? In the land of the malts!

  8. Avatar of marploug2@aol.com [email protected]

    I have an apt word for the bible, the koran, the book of mormon, the torah and all the holy scriptures the word is. Scatology.

  9. I can’t get through today without some kind of blasphemery about god delusions, so:

    I hope there’s a Hell for all those sinning religious believers to go to, so we unbelievers don’t have our clear views of reality blurred by their wispy souls, all lost looking for their non-existent Heaven & holographic God…. Hell is an appropriate & everlasting destination for those who invented it to corral, frighten & punish themselves…. Mac.

  10. I totally missed this…

    If this is not appropriate, please just tell me (don’t ban me) and I won’t post anything like it again.

    F**k Jesus in his handholes.

    The moment I was able to say that was the moment I knew I had totally eradicated the god virus in me.

    I realize this isn’t the best comment to make if you want to deconvert someone, but after being brainwashed and lied to all my life, it sure feels good.

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