Caption Contest: Noah

590

Here is the winner of our Noah’s Ark caption contest! It was no easy choice but the caption that made us laugh the most was:
 


1. If Jerry Coyne were Noah. – samitchell79

We were all impressed with our runners up, too. Thanks for giving everyone at RDF and its readers a good laugh.

2. "I don't know. God said something about needing them for the Internet." – beckworth

3. "Look, when we first set afloat there were two. Honestly." – Emma C. Williams

 

 

Written By: RDFRS

590 COMMENTS

  1. Only when the first raindrops came did Noah realize God did not mean 2 of every species of every animal.

  2. The Old Testament God was a crazy cat lady, but the New Testament God is totally different.

  3. And Noah begat three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japheth. 
    Every son had seven wives;
    Every wife had seven sacks; 
    Every sack had seven cats;
    Every cat had seven kits.
    Kits, cats, wives and sons,
    Just how big is a cubit anyway?
    
  4. There’s not a cat in hell… …’s chance that it will rain for forty days and forty nights

  5. “Did we really need to stop at the ladies house at the end of the dirt road before embarking?”

  6. Once Noah had collected all the different “kinds” of cats there was no room left.

  7. Whose stupid plan was this? The boat is practically full and we’re not even done with the family of cats!

  8. God, that’s a lot of freakin’ cats! I thought you said two of each kind not two of each breed…

  9. Wow, this IS really a miracle… herding all those atheist cats… not even Dawkins could have managed that!

  10. The ark-angel told you to go-fer-wood because it was going to rain cats and gods?? No Ah!!!!!!

  11. Relax! 5000 years is plenty of time for them to evolve into every imaginable type of beast.

  12. In reply to #41 by beckworth:

    “What can I say? God loves Chinese food.”

    Cats don’t like leashes, only dogs can be wokked (or so I’ve heard).

  13. And Noah, wise man that he was, wondered where to park the snow leopards, the lynxes, and the black panthers. The Highland Wild Cat was also a problem. As for that poxy Schrodinger’s cat, he would have to go into a box and take his chances.

  14. In reply to #13 by beckworth:

    “If God’s so smart, why didn’t he say anything about a litter box?”

    Noah built one that floated – but that was just a crappy mistake he spotted afterwards!
    Why else would he choose to be out in the wind, rain, and in the open air for 40 days as shown?

  15. “What if Noah were actually Jerry Coyne instead? (The Drosophilia are too small too see.)”

  16. And God looked upon the earth, and, behold, it was sexually corrupt; and God said unto Noah, make me an ark. And the Devil went behind God’s back and filled it with pussy.

  17. Secretly a cat lover his whole life, Noah interpreted the phrase “two of each kind” to mean “two of each kind of cat”

  18. “Now that you mention it, this will look pretty far fetched in a few thousand years.”

  19. And lo… it came to pass that Noah (as Adam before him, and the many who came after) said “Yes dear, whatever you say dear.”… and verily, God was not chuffed.

  20. Just think honey, thousands of years from now single women over forty will be thankful we did this!

  21. Typical! They were all on Mr and Mrs Gilgamesh’s Ark before they heard the tin-opener.

  22. So the voicemail said “gather the animals and set sail for the “important cats trophy” right? You’re certain it didn’t say ‘impending catastrophe’?

  23. In six hundred years prior to the great flood, Noah amassed a serious amount of pussy.

  24. “Noah, when I said we needed to bring plenty of pussy so that our sons could repopulate the earth…”

  25. “..Noah and Emzara obviously did not consider the speed at which the 2 cats would reproduce considering that unlike the rabbits they would not be eaten for dinner… “

  26. I knew you’d like this Emzara.I just made the whole god conversation thing up because you’d never go out on a boat with me otherwise…

  27. … and so we thought, why not heed Noah’s warning, but fill our arks with viable breeding populations?

  28. Really Noah — you wanted a dream vacation so you prayed for a cruise on a floating cat house!?

  29. There was once a whoahmonger Noah
    Whose cathouse was crowded for shoah
    So just for a lark
    He built them a bark
    Now offshoah there’s pussy galoah.

  30. Now, Noah, are you sure it was God you were talking to? And what the heck are all those cheeseburger things we had to pack?

  31. Noah -Yes dear “two of each” were his words, but that does not trump my god given free will. Now, did you put the woodworm where they won’t get nommed?
    Sinful, lesser being – Yip, I put them deep in the hold.
    Noah – Good, now get to the kitchen, your chain will show the way. Before this situation gets very ugly, I’ think you’d better make a BIG cheeseburger, about four cubits in diameter should do.
    Sinful, lesser being – Do you want to go large on that Sir.
    Noah – Ha-Ha, and Yahweh told me you women had not a whit of wit.
    Sinful, lesser being – I can’t find the salt, where’s the effin salt? Did you remember to bring it? Or were you perhaps too busy with the whole drunk and naked thing again?
    Noah – Wow! You just can’t let that go can you. Look! It would take just one prayer to my sky misogynist and you’d be turned into a f******g pillar of the stuff. Women, huh, can’t sail with them… If you need me I’ll be, erm, upwind.

  32. Unbeknownst to the majority of biblical scholars, an alternate version of The Book of Noah survives to this day, which is taught as gospel in remote parts of the Appalachian Mountains and Japan.

  33. 21st century version of the flood myth, in which God commands Noah to build the ark and save all the fat cats of Wall Street…

  34. No No No I said “round up a bunch of POSSES and go capture two of every animal.”

  35. Maybe God does reveal things to Noah, because the cat costumes on those two poor dogs were flawless.

  36. Alternate:

    Yes, honey, land is in sight! One more day and we can peel off these wet cat costumes and issue the barks heard round the world.

  37. Preparing for a life after boating, Noah’s lifelong dream of breeding cats would go unrecorded.

  38. I wonder which ones will evolve into dinosaurs and which ones will evolve into sheep.

  39. Ground control to Ginger Tom, put your helmet on and help me clear up this [email protected]

  40. Listen! We only need 2 cats. We can throw the rest into the water. Shouldn’t be too difficult!

  41. Well smart-guy, you solved the genetic bottleneck problem for felines, but what about the Sauropods???

  42. ‘I told you not to worry, cute kitten videos on youTube will fund this “Ark” thingy you say we need.’

  43. God realized that he had failed to eradicate evil from the world when the evidence was abundant that a pair of cats had snuck onto the ark.

  44. It was then Noah realized that cats must be gods because they also “magically” created a whole population from just two specimens in a secluded, floating garden.

  45. You’d think an omniscient god would tell his servant to pack some yarn.

  46. “Well see, the kids are going to need some kind of companion after God destroys all of their potential non-incestuous mates.”

  47. “Yes,yes that was when I visited China. Cat fried rice. Haven’t you heard of it?”

  48. And God said, “Look at all the widdle faces! How can I pick just two? Screw it, all the kitties on the boat! Humans, I still hate you. Get cuter or go die in a fire…er…flood.”

  49. God, this is Noah. So what did you expect with two of each kind for 40 days and 40 nights?

  50. Noah, suddenly realized it was “two of every kind of creature” instead of “two of every kind of cat”. But it was too late.

  51. Although it rained for 40 days and 40 nights, the water companies still imposed a hosepipe ban.

  52. And Fluffy begat Snowball, and Snowball begat Mr. Whiskers, and Mr. Whiskers begat Shadow, and Shadow begat Misty, and Misty… .

  53. Newly discovered archeological evidence suggests God may be a cat person!

    (picture above shows a reproduction of a petroglyph found at an undisclosed location in Kentucky)

  54. No honey, this is just the test run God told me he plans on actually using frogs against Pharaoh eventually… Count your blessings at least the cats are fluffy, oooh watch your step.

  55. Noah dear, the good news is we’ve settled the rodent problem,

    the bad news is, we’re out of kitty-litter…

  56. If I told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times. Stop talking to that imaginary friend of yours!

  57. “I know what God told me, dear, but frankly he’s been pissing me off lately, what with the flood n’ all, and this way my world will be much more fluffy! You did remember to bring cat food, didn’t you?”

  58. Let me guess, he told you, “Build the Ark and I’ll give you all the pussy you could ever want!”

  59. In reply to #176 by Frost1944:

    When I said more pussy this isn’t what I had in mind.

    A Request to Mods: Please no more caption contests that have cats in them. Too many of your users are immature adolescents and/or think stupid Asian stereotypes are hilarious.

  60. God spoke to me and said that after this flood no one will say that herding atheists is like organizing cats.

  61. Noah, God said seven animals of each species (Genesis 7:2-3) and not seven of every breed.

  62. You know dear, I think it is time to bring up from below deck the gunnysacks and bricks I stowed away.

  63. The first mistranslation was “ark” to “catamaran”. After that, the errors grew more pronounced.

  64. Noah’s wife just smiled blankly and clung to her kitties when Noah inquired about the status of the dinosaurs.

  65. All things bright and beautiful
    All creatures great and small
    All thing wise and wonderful
    Darwin explained them all….x

  66. God-the father, the son, the holy ghost and the ultimate multiple-personality disorder

  67. Tales of Noah’s less than successful and meow-fully delicious brother have been excised from the biblical account.

  68. There’s this cat and that cat and the other cat and, and….. Mabel, quick, hand me the CATalogue.

  69. . .. . and the Ark-Angel flew in low over the poop-deck with a message on animal selection, for Noah, but due to feline predation, it is now poop on the poop-deck. are you sure it said “More litters”? We’re running out of mice, doves, birds, dogs, and other cat food! Which way to Mount ‘ave a rat?

  70. Noah had to make it up to his wife somehow for forgetting “those lovely unicorns”.

  71. Noah, after another sleepless night of hissing cats, turns to his wife with a loving smile, “Dear, honey, sweetie-pie, where did you put all the potato sacks?”

  72. Thank gosh I’m an atheist. Sorry, that’s a topic for another issue. But I’d still like to see it on a Richard Dawkins foundation t-shirt, though.

  73. Iza likes its whenz ya makes funs of bible peoples-its so dang funnay. Anz it’s written in such great grammar 2

  74. If God could fill a boat the size of the Titanic full of cats, then why can’t he cure every disease on earth, end poverty, crime, corruption and once and for bloody all, just fucking kill Satan

  75. Could Richard Dawkins send the atheist boat of cats around to this town I’m stuck in? It’s a hell-hole and I want to get out of here.. even though I’m not a cat person.

  76. In reply to #2 by Kanehau:

    OMG… It’s raining cats!

    How about OMG! It’s raining cats but no dogs!

  77. And God said,” forgive them-they’re only kittens. After all, how much harm can a ship-full of cats do?’

  78. And it came to pass after seven days that the windows of heaven were opened and it began to rain cats and dogma.

  79. Being allergic to cats, and a professed “dog man”, Noah had to, for the first time, question God’s douchebaggery.

  80. And the Lord said . . . “Okay, this is the last time I trust inbred hillbillies to do ANYTHING! I’m out. You’re on your own.”

  81. “Thank God cat lovers don’t believe in God!”

    If you google “cat lover” and “atheist”, you will know. 🙂

  82. Only cats remain after 40 days at sea, Noah
    Is heard to say ” Freaking Cats, is it to late
    To be an Atheist “.

  83. (1) And you thought we couldn’t ‘herd cats’

    (2) Now this is a real ‘pussy riot’

  84. While the rest of the human race got on with their lives, a silly man went sailing in the rain with lots of cats

  85. Meow! – Never mind the purrrfectly packaged Kentucky-fried-chicken Ginger Tom, Noah said there was Ham in here – or was that just porkies? !

  86. Don’t worry, dear. You know I had to take ALL my cats. There probably wouldn’t have been room for the dinosaurs anyway. I’m sure they’ll be okay…

  87. OK, So the catamaran would have taken a couple more weeks. Time well spent I would have thought!

  88. Noah’s Ark Park, Creation Museum, Kentucky

    Unable to fit 2 x 6.5 million species, substitutions were made.

    (Unfortunately, costumes and the sprinkler system did not go over very well.)

  89. MRS NOAH to NOAH “Hopefully when we arrive at the coast of Texas, they’ll be too busy blaming the atheists for the flood and not notice we stuffed up on the animals “

  90. “Apparently it doesn’t only work with loaves and fishes”
    (spelling deliberate)

  91. Little known fact in the Cat Bible, the Lord Meoweh commanded Noah and his wife to free all the cats from Egypt.

  92. Was the “be fruitful and increase in number” part suppose to happen before or after we landed?

  93. Then God said “Build an ark and gather together a pair of humans and ………”

  94. Soon, Noah would realize that he had misunderstood God’s instructions; and from then on, he would deeply regret that no way existed for a single species to give rise to the kind of diversity that had once graced the land.

  95. Are you quite sure we got the instructions right? Were we supposed to gather two of everything while it rains cats and dogs for 40 days or were the two of us supposed to gather 40 cats? Either way, I’m pretty sure were supposed to make this ark.

  96. And God told the Cats to choose two of the Humans, a male and a female, to have dominion over.

  97. Noah to wife: I think you misunderstood me when I said “The world is ending and I want all the pussy I can get”.

  98. Excellent work comrades, just in time too. And Mittens good thinking to save two monkey slaves for the future.

  99. “The whole ‘Ark’ idea was pretty far fetched in the first place… no one will believe anyone was this crazy!… we’ll just tell them we took two of every animal.”

  100. Noah’s wife: You do realise that if he chooses the St Bernard breed to complete this saying, then we’re fucked?

    Noah: Yes dear.

  101. .. and when he said 2 of each kind you have to understand that’s just allegorical ..
    .. now that science tells us it was actually all cats that just proves how god’s so much smarter than us .. ya’ll see?

  102. Good. Now to the second stop where we pick up two of each kind of elephant.

  103. So the voice in my head said save the animals and the good Cat-licks!

    Now – no cat food left? Where’s Mount ‘ave-a-rat?

  104. Is this the experience that turned the only righteous man on earth (Genesis 7:1) into an alcholic (Genesis 9:21)?

  105. And Noah said to God- ” Of course you do realize cats don’t like the water and they’re lousy swimmers.” And God replied- ” Why the hell do you think I conned you into building this goddammed boat?”

    • These cats are picky Noah, you now? I was going to bring just my favorite couple but it´s not like I can tell them who to “preserve the specie” with.
    • Noah! Is this a problem?
    • Not at all, God talked to me in my dreams last night, he told me cats can swim.
  106. God told Noah to save all those cats because He needed them for his Youtube channel.

    • Noah, you not fear to disobeying God?
    • If you think this guy is able to creating all species de novo, however can serve an arch? Moreover, according to Dawkins, there must be a minimum number of individuals to avoid future inconvenience of too low genetic diversity …
  107. And so it was written-Ted Nugent said to the Lord: “God, let me jam my fist up a kitten’s ass and turn it into a sock puppet.” And so it was done.

  108. And the one hanna-barbera cartoon cat said as he was kicked out of bed by all the other 13 billion hanna-barbera cartoon cats aboard the cat ark-” rassen, frassen, dirty- double dorten, borten!”
    For the less enlighten animated cartoon lover, that was an example of cartoon profanity.

  109. The Lord saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time. 6 The Lord regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply troubled. 7 So the Lord said, “I will wipe from the face of the earth the human race I have created—and with them the animals, the birds and the creatures that move along the ground—for I regret that I have made them.” 8 But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord.

    “Look at what my kitty does with this string!”

  110. Being all knowing one would have imagined that god would have realised that human beings are genetically divided into two distinct and easily recognised sub-species, dog lovers and cat lovers !

  111. A theological objection: Why has Noah got long hair? The Bible clearly teaches that “If a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him” (1Corinthians 11:14). Perhaps Jehovah sent a plague of cats to punish his disobedient servant?

  112. I told you not to place them next to the hares. They have evolved the ability to multiply like rabbits!

  113. M-theory of the origin of a species (“M” as in “Meow!”): how a gazillion cats can appear literally out of nothing – no supernatural creator required…

  114. God soon realised that Noah’s son, Ham, was not “cut from the same cloth” as his dad.

  115. Emzara: Didn’t God say two of each? What happened?

    Noah: I asked for more pussy

  116. “I thought it was too many as well but God calls it the ‘species problem’. He’s working on it.”

  117. Explanation for Noah’s Ark : After the flood, God re-created all the animals from the ribs of cats.

  118. Doesn’t matter: they’ll all evolve into something else – we’ll just say these were a common ancestor.

  119. Russell Crowe refused to star in a low-budget version of Noah after seeing the story boards.

  120. Thus Noah proclaimed, ” If I had a billion more cats like Clouseau, I could destroy the world.” And so god half-assed granted Noah’s wish. Noah shouldn’t have watched that Pink Panther movie the night before while drinking the holy water and then talking in his drunken stupor.

  121. Why couldn’t God just snap his fingers or wiggle his nose and just make the cat-ark magically appear? Oh, but of course, that would defeat the purpose of this totally fact-based, faith -driven, inspirational story. Silly me, I forgot. Carry on with the rest of the show.

  122. Noah honey, that was such a great idea – use the space on the boat for my darlings and Jehova can intelligently design the creatures again later!

  123. “Now you can stop that Tom foolery, Noah !”, she said with a wicked twinkle in her eye. “And no Jerry mandering about it !”

  124. And the latest error by notorious biblical scribe Stupidus of Tarsis proves to obscure the true meaning of the book of Neuter-onomy.

  125. At the time of the flood these creatures were known as cts because there was No a.

  126. This is what would have happened had Noah listened to his wife rather than the voices inside his head…

  127. I know you couldn’t get two of each kind, but was it really a good idea to get two thousand of these?

  128. “God told me to be sure to take a lot of cats because we’re going to need them in a few thousand years when he sends the Black Plague.”

    A few thousand years later.
    “Oops!”

  129. Noah’s wife shakes her head at her husband. “Just typical, Noah. God gives you simple instructions and you go and fuck it up for a bunch of pussy… but I can’t stay mad, they are adorable pussies”

  130. You know-if God had been somewhat pro-active in the first place-he would have seen the Dark Ages, The Plague, all the wars humanity would fight till the end of time, the talking deceptive snake he created… wait, that would defeat the whole purpose of the Bible and religion in general. Never mind

  131. Profile photo of marploug2@aol.com [email protected] #342

    Really Noah, all you said was here kittie kittie?

  132. And God so loved the world he killed every living thing in it-except for a half-dozen eight-hundred year old people and a boat full of cats to repopulate the world. If that doesn’t speak of God’s love, what does?

  133. The opening tableux of the Ken Ham Ark Experience suffers its final ignominy when the replacement animals, after the previous night of natural carnage, are finally delivered from the pound.

  134. “Do you think they’ll notice?”

    “Nah. This is the Ken Ham Ark Experience. He’ll make up some shit to explain it away.”

  135. In reply to #357 by phil rimmer:

    The opening tableux of the Ken Ham Ark Experience suffers its final ignominy when the replacement animals, after the previous night of natural carnage, are finally delivered from the pound.

    after the previous night’s innevitable carnage…

    • I thought only a couple of each kind was allowed…
    • Yeah, that was before Jeremeowh here kicked Noah and his two dogs off the ark!
  136. Hammy Ark eventually saves the local stray animals climbing to higher ground, when climate change brings floods up the Kentucky backwaters of ignorance!

  137. Schrodinger said “Multiple Universes”, but multiple cats was the best the guy in the sky could manage…

  138. On Captain Richard N. Dawkins’s Ark

    I swear it, Elisabeth, I have done all as the Lord has ordered me!

    Oh … yes, Richard, I believe you …

  139. They bred and they went after the Koi and the goldfish. So we put those in a multi-storey carp ark.

  140. Unknown to most Biblical historians, Noah had built 3 arks: Into the A Ark would go all the leading, high-achieving animals: Dogs, cattle, etc. Into the B Ark would go the useless fantasy ones, such as unicorns and dragons. Then there was the C Ark…

  141. Noah realised it must have been another of God’s little jokes when He promised him all the pussy in the world if he built the ark.

  142. ” I’ve always been a dog-person, but I guess there’s NOAH counting FUR taste! “

  143. Noah: Sweetheart, don’t look now, but I think we have a serious Problem going on above you…

  144. when god asked noah to save the worlds animals from a global flood by putting them on a huge ark, he should have considered whether or not he was a cat person

  145. Mrs Noah: No, no, Noey! He said two of every KIND! Cats of different stripes don’t count.
    Noah: But honey, they will later, much later. “Kind” could mean anything then!

  146. In the prophetic scroll of Facebook we read “cats will fill the earth and they will come to dominate it”

  147. If an all-knowing god truly wanted to save two of each animal, by ordering a guy to put them on a boat, then he woulddn’t have picked a guy whos wife was a crazy cat-lady.

  148. “A sign in the colors of a rainbow? Trust me, I foresee a part of our posterity will know how to handle this, among other unwanted…”

  149. For God said unto Noah…”Noah, I will make it rain 40 day & 40 nights. Thou shalt build an Ark. Upon this Ark, thou shalt lead all animals 2 by 2…you know what, scratch that. Save the Kitteh, Noah. I love the Kitteh. In the future, we shall have funny memes with the Kitteh.”

  150. “Well”, said Mr Tibbles, “we’re all safe, thanks to the crazy cat lady in the sky!”

  151. “It was a good deal, wasn’t it ? Taking us on their boat in exchange of feeding them and taking care of them as if they were gods, generation after generation.”
    “Now that you mention it, I plan to start a new religion after landing.”

  152. “Have you found any cat food? I thought Bastet, the Egyptian cat god, invited us on her ark to clean the litter but now I’m not so sure.”

  153. N.O.A.H.’s A.R.K. (Noah Only Allows Healthy And Rambunctious Kitties!)

  154. “…and so”, continued Shrodinger, “at the same time the cats are all alive, the cats are also all dead”. “What a ridiculously far fetched and stupid idea”, replied Noah as he single handedly loaded two of every animal on earth into his really big boat, to avoid the wrath of god….

  155. “So wife, is this why you ‘Forgot,’ to send the Dinosaurs the memo?”

  156. “Oh bloody hell, Noah darling. I’m allergic to these damn felines. Gotta go, sorry! Have a safe journey .”

  157. If you’d hadn’t skipped science class for bible studies, you’d know he said “double helix”, not “double felix”.

  158. So I said “How about I only take the animals that won’t be extinct in a few thousand years anyway?”. He hadn’t thought of that.

  159. Four millions cats aboard Noah’s Ark. Further prove, cat don’t listen to anybody!

  160. And man will have dominion over all the beasts, except of course, cats.
    The Gospel According to Ceiling Cat: 5-7

  161. And so it was, in the year 2348 BC, God gifted his creations the first Cat-astrophe. And God saw it. And God said it was goo…what the meow?

  162. “Don’t worry honey, it’ll be alright, I mean, He knows they are ALL one of a kind”

  163. “He explained there would be something called “the Internet” in the future, and was there anything funny I’d like to see on it?’

  164. Told you! Survival of the cutest. Yeah, we’re gonna make it to the Internet!

  165. God: Noah, I told you only two of each kind! Why so many cats?
    Noah: I know God, I’ve tried to only take two but every time the flood takes them they keep coming back! Of all the creatures you could have given nine lives to, why the cats?!
    God: Ooops! My bad!

  166. So, Noah, having been celibate for the 120 years it took to construct the Arc, asked the Genie for…

  167. Time to celebrate after sailing around the world in two forty days doing a good “Job” to win the “Bet”.

  168. There was no birth control on Noah’s ship and it was good enough for him! It’s good enough for us!

  169. Noah would no longer question God’s insistence he make the giant sack stashed safely in the ark hold. It was clear that He had some special wrath in mind for all cat-kind.

  170. Just because God spelt backwards is Dog, is no reason just to have cats!

  171. “So you see, finding God is like being on a boat of cats hoping that the birds come to us.”

  172. “Noah, I overheard you say in the pub that you liked Pussy, so I got you a few extra”

  173. Do the math, Wife. At this rate we can have 9 floods, for 9 years, for 9 millennia and still have a couple left over.

  174. You putz! It’s r-a-i-n-i-n-g………not r-e-i-g-n-i-n-g and when it’s the dogs’ turn up here………..don’t bothah me, Mr. Einstein!

  175. And God made toxoplasma gondii in His image. And He said “Go, find a host, make him do your bidding to build a boat for all the cats”.

  176. And Mr. Whiskers begat Toby who begat Milo who begat Tigger who begat Oliver who begat Harley who begat Stanley. And they ruled on the deck of the ark until The Lord saw they needed more room. Then He commanded Noah to throw them overboard. And that, my friends, is how cats learned to swim.

  177. “My bad, I forgot to warn you about the whole 9 lives thing with cats.” -God

  178. Jehovah Science Center of Kentucky presents: Noah Saved The Cats coloring book. All proceeds go to the Dr. Reverend Wayne Pathos Center for the Study of Sin, Winnemucca, Nevada.

  179. From the Egyptian version of the flood myth.

    This is how they tell the story in Egypt.

  180. Listen to me Naamah. God told me that cats will be in the future a great success in Internet

  181. Noah: oh Damn it I already forgot to bring the treatment for toxoplasmosis. I hope we have enough contraceptive pills otherwise God will be worshiped by an ancestry of dummies

  182. Maybe we shouldn’t have left the species selection decision up to a youtube vote.

  183. And God spake unto Noah, saying “What do you expect ME to do? They’re cats!”

  184. …and all the other animals were lost in the Great Flood when Noah found love in the form of the crazy cat lady.

  185. ‘33,000 square feet & a few hundred days… please spay or neuter your pets’

    or perhaps…

    ‘Next week, on History’s Hoarders’

  186. “god told noah to take 2 of each “kind”, and noah took 2 of each “kind” of cat”

  187. There’s no way to put 5000 species on a boat!! Screw it…go ahead and let the cats onboard.

  188. It was predestined by god that the earth became corrupted by people and that a flood would drown all the wicked, then cats would become the next dominant species on the evolutionary food chain. All hail the almighty cat-a-cism. Yoiks and away!
    See-god planned all this bull-shit from the start.

  189. Oh-lookey-lookey! I am a kiddy-kad floating out to sea along with other kiddy-kads on a floating kiddy-kad bed. I am hoping to find a personal savior called Jesurs/Christ.God/ The Lode.
    I hopes he will save me and all the other kiddy-kads like me so I can fondle him, and hold him and caress him and lick his fur and stroke his bill and hug him and squeeze him forevers and evers, amen!

  190. Silly God-arks are for cats!
    [ mixed-metaphoric 1960’s animated tv cereal commercial reference]