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Wow, I can’t imagine what you’re going through, Jay!  I used to get premonitions every now then, both good ones and bad ones.  For example, premonitions that my car was going to break down today, that someone close to me was going to have an accident, or that I was going to win the lottery or meet the love of my life.  When I was under the influence of the premonition, I was constantly tense, waiting for the shoe to drop.  There were some days that I was seriously tempted not to leave the house for fear that the thing I imagined was going to happen.  But over time I simply learned to ignore premonitions, both the good ones and the bad ones.  Of course my case wasn’t nearly as severe as yours, so that’s probably not an option for you.