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By living today to the best of your abilities and talents.  Just came back from my last walk with Maddy, often it irritates me that I need to take her out, yet again, yet every time I’m back outside, such as tonight with the big full moon, snow still on the ground to add that magical sparkles, Maddy sniffing out the latest wildlife doings, lately coyote have really been loud and closer in than usual, so need to keep her on the line tonight.  Still the whole thing is beautiful and I’m grateful to be so fortunate.

That’s a moment in my life, gotta take the dog for a piss, but I get to touch the sky and muse on life.  Though few are blessed with the back yard I get to romp in.  Still, even under a bridge by a river, or park, I’ve found refuges all sorts of places.

It’s the moment and what you are aware of, what you chose to be present to, how you do the tasks life or a job assigns you.  One step after the other.

Stop thinking so much and do living,  involve yourself with life and people.  The rest will simply unfold.

There is no real meaning to your life beyond what you manage to give it.  Guess that’s what it comes down to you get to choose, and you do choose.

You don’t have to be brave, to act brave, then life happens.  Try to be true to yourself, sure obsess over what everyone else thinks now and then, especially the great thinkers, but after that it’s you dealing with the circumstances that come your way, so you’d better carve your own course.

I get so tired of this seeming emptiness you project, especially when despite all the rest of the horrors out there today, despite all my writing failure, I’m feeling complete and solid.  Fortunate enough to connect with the little ones, fortunately enough to connect with my parent’s and help them remember their lives and children and the good times, remind them of their good accomplishments, allow them to feel satisfaction with their lives, stuff that makes death a little less scary.  To give love, receive love, be a gritty shit head now and then, be a sweetie other times, every situation bringing out a slightly different version of you.  So which one is you, all of them.

So Xain I need to share something that’s put the profoundest joy in my heart, the connection with another little human, that grandson, sparks a flying.  Our last visit a couple weeks ago he was at 8 months old, I arrive, come into the room and as a curious little guy he checks out the new person.  I say my hello and allow him to move toward me, I never rush a kid, then for a few moments, I can actually watch his little eyes and face crinkle a little as he’s actively searching my face, trying to recollect something – I could witness all those synaptic calculations going on in there, then he cracks the big grin, yes I Know YOU, then came that sweet hug.

The connection between us is talked about, that makes me feel good because it means it’s not just my imagination running away with me.

The thing is, I’ve always been able to totally tune into babies and younger children, with this little guy the first time at two weeks and he could barely see, month later he seeing, month later grasping, this time watching him learning to crawling.  Lift and thrust, evolving every day looking more like dignified crawling.  I only had four days there, and only half a day alone with, plus night duty ain’t what it used to be, he pretty much sleeps through the night.  (Modern marvels, that baby monitor was new for me, my luddite tenancy definitely has its pragmatic counter weight and I feel in love with the thing.)  When he wakes, a little company, rubbing his back soothing words and such and he’s right back down.  The little person is starting to peek through and it’s awesome to watch.  He even takes my direction when dressing, pulling, pushing hands arms, stuff like that.  Watching those attentive eyes taking everything, watching his head and ears and noticing how he’s tracking what’s happening in the house.  stuff like that.  Beats that football game every time.  Well for the likes of me.

Now Xain, I could spend all my time going crazy about the hideous world that awaits this precious little person and all my other younger friends and family as they grow through their lives and our world disintegrates around them.  It’s a monstrosity that could send me to the luny farm, if I let it.  And I’ve no intention of that.

Just hand me another one of them fuckitalls.     😉

Guess I just thought I’d share my spare time belly button gazing since I read so much of yours.  Not that I’m knocking it.

I appreciate your posts and enjoy your participation .

how does one live and plan life if the building blocks it’s founded on aren’t very stable.

A good foundation and one block at a time.

Square, level, plumb.    🙂