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It’s crazy reading X from my perspective.

I mean a year ago I’m going along minding my own business, and then one day there is this tiny little infant in my life.  Nine months later, every time His Cuteness interacts with me for a few days, or a couple weeks, we grow a deeper love.  And me, a growing commitment and willingness to make sacrifices for His Royal Cuteness.  You know His Cuteness can distract my thoughts from five hundred miles away.  Weakness, x you silly boy, weakness indeed.

I wasn’t looking for it and already have plenty of children (well, at one time 🙂 in my life at all sorts of levels.  So it’s not like I was lonely (intellectually lonely, sure, but that’s irrelevant).  It’s just biology.  Once a little one is in front of me I have a certain attitude, and certain way of behaving and thinking, that’s all there’s too it.  I don’t even know what it is, it just happens, biology and instinct through my mind’s various filters.

It’s too waste to try to figure it our, it’s much more productive just to live it honestly, the rest flows from there.

But it’s a reciprocal thing, without that little one accepting me and connecting, nothing would be happening.  We don’t connect with everyone, but when we do, it matters that we pay attention.  Then we best behave true and with honest dignity – for everyone’s future’s sake.  Be it a baby, or an adult partner and lover.

The dignity of the moment and living to the best of one’s abilities.  You know it ain’t like I’m a saint or that I don’t rack up my share of screw ups.  It’s the strong threads of humanity between people makes that secondary, because we are all assholes at one time or another, if we are honest we live and learn, accept responsibility, face one’s own screw-ups rather than busying yourself with finding fault in others.  So the simple things, that stories have tried to teach people since for ever.  Buy ’em books and buy ’em books and all they do is eat the covers.

and so on and so forth.

It’s what heathy family and community is about – but who cares about that jazz these days ?

People can’t comprehend any of that if they’ve never lived it.  Reality TV and virtual-reality worlds, what more do people need   😐

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Nothing matters, sure I appreciate a 30 year mortgage is a joke these days, if I think about it, it’s near devastating not being able to dream about our kid’s future young adult years as I reflect on my post high school adventures.  Poor guy, if he’s still around at all, he’ll be busy with totally different problems.  Do I spend my days going insane about that, great turn all worthless and pathetic, now that’s a good way to get through the day.  I’d rather bring it on down to focusing on the moment, one day at a time, “don’t drop the baby” was our mantra for a few months there.  Live with care, honesty, and as much dignity as one I can muster, then tomorrow has a way of taking care of itself.  Face your mistakes, try to make it right, learn and move on.

After all, tomorrow depends on the momentum we build up today, which has depended on the momentum we built up during our yesterdays and years.

It’s tough to explain it to someone who isn’t absorbed with the act of living and observing others including the natural world around us.

There is such a huge world out here, but one must outgrown our bellybutton gazing phase, look up, get up and do it.