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Because you operate under the assumption that there is a solid and unified being that you love or are attracted to but there isn’t.

It could be your conception of love that is the problem. If you are attracted to someone, that’s fine, but part of that attraction is going to be sexual desire. Love though requires getting to know them, and part of knowing if it’s someone you want to spend time with is knowing that they will change. If you want them to stay “solid” as what originally attracted you, then that’s not love. I’m not sure what this expectation of “unified” is but we all have doubts and contradictions, that’s part of why we need each other’s love and support.

It seems you’ve taken for the very reason for forming loving relationships and turned it into a reason not to.