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Coupled with the belief that because someone believes in something there must be some truth to it, especially if it has impacted their life in a measurable way. And I cave instantly if someone else doesn’t agree with me, it’s like I am automatically wrong. I just feel like I don’t have the tools I need to navigate life.

I know logic is not really at play here, but you do form logical progressions, they just kind of always loop around back to where you started. This idea of you caving is not my experience. In fact you stay pretty steady with what you start out with, rejecting every suggestion that you might be “wrong”. I try to avoid language like that when someone asks for life advice because you can’t really be wrong, it’s what’s right for you that matters. At least you are stuck on Buddhism, you could have made much worse choices for something to be obsessed with. If “impacted their life in a measurable way” is actually something you are paying attention to, you should be able to go back and find some pretty decent stories of success in these threads. Also podcasts like “Everyone’s Agnostic” have guests on all the time who changed their life and are happier now. Could be some therapy for you.